I am in the process of house hunting.  By now, I have probably looked at close to a thousand pictures on sites like Zillow, Trulia and Realtor.com.  I have been on several days of house hunting-in-person expeditions.  It has been a process of discovery – I love long views, however not over miles of prairie – need some trees in there.    The big tubs that come with the master bathroom in so many houses are a waste of space, in my opinion.  Cupboard space is important; a gas stove is probably in order; open floor plan that allows for a lot of light is a key ingredient.  I am also clear that I don’t want to walk out the backdoor and be looking into my neighbors’ yards.  Having space around me is important.  I am looking in different areas of Northern New Mexico, so I am working with multiple realtors.  I have had to convey the point more than once that yes, there are physical criteria and a place may match those, however, rule number one is that the place has to feel good inside and out.  So, many a seemingly great house or great property has made it to the no column for that simple reason.

On the weekend of July 8, I saw a new listing come through on one of my drips, and notified the realtor that, if possible, I wanted to see it while we were out. He was able to arrange an appointment for that day’s journey.  Because of my schedule, we had limited time and several houses to cover.  This house was the last one on the day’s list.  It was a little more out of town than I really wanted, yet the drive wasn’t unpleasant. We drove up and it was obvious that the place would have a view.  Even though the property was on less than an acre, and there were neighbors to be seen, it felt nestled into the hillside.  There were trees on the perimeter of the property line, and a few on the property itself.  There was a nice dog yard with a couple of great dogs inside.  We walked inside and WOW.  Great open floor plan, the kitchen was large (one of my friends said I would never fill all the cupboards); gas fireplace; dining room, big living room, and then we came upon the master bedroom suite.  Spacious bathroom, spacious bedroom, spacious closet and the total OMG, an added sunroom that was configured as a sitting room.  (Of course, I said to myself, THE PERFECT OFFICE!!!).  Because of the time constraint, we hustled through.  As we drove back to where my car was parked, we arranged to come see the place in more depth the following day.  We had not been able to check out the garage, and I really wanted to take the house layout into account.  We went back again on Sunday, took our time, checked out the garage (an ideal man-cave, lots of lighting, an insulated attic and even a mini-wood stove and rock and mortar half-walls).  I walked the property, and bottom line, it felt good inside and out.  As we left, I told the realtor that I wanted to get some information on the cost of utilities and pending that, I was ready to make an offer.

The fact-finding mission revealed that utilities ran about $500 per month for electric, propane, internet, tv, alarm monitoring.  That was a budget breaker for me.  So, I made calls to utility companies for more information; and worked on decisions about what I could do without.  (TV immediately came off the list, as well as alarm monitoring, and hot tub – I don’t have any of those now, so knew I could live without them.)   I had shared the listing with a couple of friends of mine and the feedback was twofold – AWESOME house, and it seems kind of big for you.  (Over 2000 square feet).  Not to be deterred, I continued to work the numbers and see myself in the place.  This was THE place, I just had to figure out how to make it work.  I had seen a lot of candidates, many of them were great homes, and in this one, I felt good.  I REALLY liked this place.  I mean, REALLY liked this place.  That master bedroom suite and sunroom were to die for.

As I was both working the numbers, and sitting with the energy of the place (reviewed all kinds of paperwork), I became aware of the presence of what might be called a Niggling Doubt.  I sequestered it in the back of my consciousness.  After all, I didn’t want anything to interfere with my now dream home.  I was aware of how hard it had been to get to this point, and did not want to let this opportunity go for fear that there would not be another one.  (Indeed, coming from scarcity).  Eventually I gave in.  Coming to my senses, and determining that if I was truly going to walk the path of partnership with my Inner Wisdom and parts it was time to sit down with Niggling Doubt and see why it was there.  In the course of conversation, here is what came forth:  I would place all of my energy into the master bedroom suite (oh so very true – totally busted, score one for Niggling Doubt) and because I would do that, and because the other bedrooms were also located near the master, the energy would be concentrated on that side of the house to the detriment of the rest of the house.  Well, that was a point that I hadn’t taken into consideration.  The layout of the house would lend itself to a restricted “beaten path” exacerbating the lack of energetic flow to the remainder of the house.  Score two for Niggling Doubt.  Then there was another point that it brought up; one that I had pushed to the side – the other bedrooms were on the same side as the master bedroom.  In my imaginings, I had always seen them on the other side.  I had noted that while looking at the house, however, I was “willing to dismiss it and live with it.”  (Hey, you don’t get everything on your wish list!).  Apparently, Niggling Doubt was not in agreement with that decision.  My long-term plan is to be able to do some in-depth retreats with individual clients.  Niggling Doubt felt it was important to have a safe energetic space for both the retreatant and myself. All right, already; score three for Niggling Doubt.

I wish I could say that at this point I gracefully saw the wisdom in all of this, let it go, called the realtor and chose to move on.  In reality, I had a few issues to deal with, the most prevalent of which is “why do I always have to let things I want go?” or “why can’t I have what I want,” etc.  Yes, indeed, there were a few tears shed, and a little bit of a pity party.  I finally came to peace with it all. I recognized that I am always at choice, and of course I could choose to go ahead and purchase the place, or I could choose to trust that another place even more suited to me will appear.  (Did I mention that I really, really, really liked this place?).  I came to understand that this house is beautiful and it deserves to have owners that will fill it to the brim with their energetic presence.  It was a big ask for me to step into trusting the universe to deliver something equally as good or even better, especially when something really good was practically in my hands.  There were the thoughts about will I regret not buying the place?  Will I truly be able to manifest something equally as good or better?  And, I consciously chose to trust. Breathe in, breathe out.  Trust.

(BTW, as I was completing my letting go process, the house went under contract on Thursday)

How can you expand your ability to trust?  In what area of your life would it be a big ask to let go and trust that a better outcome was available?

BB is a True Purpose(r) coach working with women in their 50’s and older finding the new meaning in their lives and learning to move into the trust that they are safe and can be sustained if they follow their own Inner Wisdom.  For more information, contact BB at bb@wizardsventures.com or 720-378-4961.