I just stumbled upon my chicken scratch in a notepad. It’s almost illegible. Something I wrote in the wee hours of Feb. 18th after suffering several hours of pain.
I know my body is changing. I feel the slow and steady shift from Mother to Crone both mentally and physically. I’m ok with it but I didn’t expect the physical pain. I’ve always had cramps but this is different and at times nearly unbearable. Tonight was one of those times.
I had put a Salonpas patch on, used a heated rice pack, took Midol and drank more than half a bottle of wine. I had listened to guided meditations and tried numerous positions from sitting to lying. It’s been 5 hours and nothing is helping.
The pain in my right ribs, back and shoulder was now going down my right arm into my hand and I had nothing left but tears. I took a Goody’s Headache Powder with another gulp of wine and cried. It’s 12:30 am. I send my husband a text message, “I’m putting on my overalls… if I’m not on the couch when you get home please come look for me.” I head out to the horses in the dark. I stand quiet with my head down, sobbing. After a few moments I hear footsteps in the sucking mud. I look up to see Dakota, the wise old man. He hesitates briefly and moves on. A few more moments pass and I feel the presence of two; Touche and Pert have come to me. I don’t remember Touche disengaging but I remember acknowledging him as I let myself just BE and the tears flowed freely. I do remember that they both had their heads above mine and then Pert started messing with my stocking cap. “More Goddess, more rituals, more connection,” were the words, the thoughts and then I said, “please let me keep my hat on, I’ll get cold.”
I felt pressure to bend over as Pert stood behind me. He was hugging my butt but he also put his head on my back where the pain was. He leaned into me. My brother, Mat, was a leaner. He didn’t embrace you when he hugged, he just sort of leaned into you. I acknowledged Mat, remembering him and experiencing him, his presence within Pert.
Then Pert started chakra work. First, his right side to my front: Sacral and Root. Then his left side to my front: Sacral and Solar Plexus. Always careful with his feet, he leans into me. I brought my left hand up, right hand in Goddess pose – until they got cold. I had to disconnect before he was done. I was getting horribly cold, nearly 40 minutes has passed. My pain was not 100 % gone but it was more an ache than pain, about 85% better. My right arm and hand was still numb and the pressure in my back and ribs was there but not pain.
Little C was standing by the stock tank as I walked towards the house. I stopped to rub her and thanked her for starting me on this path and for all she’s brought to me. I am blessed beyond words that I have such amazing healers in my midst.
From a horse crazy girl who’d never even touched a horse to Horsewoman, Healer attuned thru Spirit.