Compassion is part of my nature. It seems that I am being asked recently, to reach even deeper within myself to discover a more expansive aspect of compassion. In some situations, I do not have any solutions. I am to show up in love, with no agenda and no perception of outcome. The challenge is to show up with immense love, knowing that the healing will come from a higher source.
The challenge is also, that these situations are giving ME a valuable GIFT by being in my presence. The challenge is me practicing extreme patience and dropping any sort of judgment at all. I am to feel the struggles and the pain, even the futility. I am to remember that the wrapping is not important- it is finding the gift inside.
I have always said that in my coaching work, I do what shows up for me. I am called to do what I do, and it is Spirit driven. I was given a gift of grace earlier this year when a horse showed up that needed some healing and also by her presence offered healing for the hole left in my heart and my herd. I thought it was complete.
Yet Spirit has been sending subtle messages about another horse at a nearby rescue, Drifter’s Hearts of Hope. I am so frustrated by what I can’t do- I can’t bring her home- the limit is four horses here. I can’t incorporate her in my herd. I can’t afford too many expenses, like paying board elsewhere. (HEAVY SIGH). “Candy” the teenage Appaloosa mare is lame with navicular (inflammation in the heel bones of her front feet) and not rideable. She is out on a large acreage pasture and does not want to be haltered. She is a self-preservationist, and is hesitant to trust. I have no idea if she really wants to be a coaching/healing horse. That is quite a new concept to her. Perhaps a friend and companion horse, once she learns to trust? It is an unknown at this time.
By divine chance the other day, while I was at the rescue for an entirely different reason, I ran into one of her advocates (Gina). Overnight, my heart was moved from the frustration of what I can’t do- to a place that says- yes, this horse deserves a chance. Feel for others, and do what you can. I have some time, I have some limited funds, I have lots of experience with these kinds of horses. She wants to live, her pain is manageable. Candy deserves a chance to know that there are humans out there that are kind and gentle and who want to connect with her. There are humans that have her best interest in heart. What Candy has done in a matter of a few days has created a connection with me and her friend and advocate at the rescue. I believe in both of them! I just need to show up in support and immense love for both of them, even though I don’t have solutions, and can’t say what the outcome might be. I will partner with both of them offering support and help out financially where I can. Candy has begun to create her advocacy team. She must be very special to have so many each contributing in ways that they can. Hopefully she will one day respond, to the many that are holding out hope for her.
What might seem like tiny increments of progress for her viewed from a different perspective are actually huge steps. I felt honored when she approached me the first day. The next time we hung out in the pasture. I briefly got to touch her as we shared the same space. Day three of contact, she said no to brushing and haltering- but with horse cookies I was able to touch her nose, face, forehead, poll and stroke down her neck. She hangs out and has not run off- even though she could. Candy had to be convinced with a catch pen for haltering. Even after that she refused to let me attach a lead rope to the halter out in the pasture. But she will soon learn that no harm will come to her.
Out of the “challenge of compassion” I have committed to becoming part of her visionary team. I have been in this position in so many ways with humans and horses before. I have been given valuable gifts in these situations previously and I am so excited for Candy and the new connections being created. I am humbled and grateful that this horse is getting a second chance. It is more frustration than magic right now. Only time will tell with her.