Life in physical form is full of unexpected variables. Perhaps there is a silver lining in the clouds, or a gift inside major illness or life transition.  Perhaps crisis and chaos really are the pathways to potential, possibilities and opportunities.  Make lemonade out of lemons is the old adage.  The glass IS really half full, not half empty.  All is as it is supposed to be.  Let’s not oversimplify the process though!

A friend from out of state was visiting recently, and we went on a hike into Castlewood Canyon. My husband helped to guide us across large boulders and the river to my favorite place in the canyon where the water cascades and creates small waterfalls.  In preparation, I purchased a walking stick a couple of days before.  I have been experiencing balance issues.  My husband took a “fall for me” into the rocks and water to get me to the right spot.  He got scraped a little.  My friend and I did a blessing ceremony of “rebirth” for a mutual friend with serious physical ailments.  I released prayers and sacred herbs into the water.  The words that Spirit gave to me to use in the blessing that day for the ailing friend were Acceptance, Adapt and Release.  Out of a higher heart of compassion, I do what I can- but then I turn the rest over to Spirit to handle the unexpected variables.

For me it has been another year of constant shifting. I have been learning that things are not always as traumatic as they may seem.  If you can shift to the acceptance part, you may begin to see how to adapt to these unexpected variable situations.  This part is easier said than done.  Likely there is some internal struggle.  The release part which may include anger, loss and tears, can actually allow something else to come in. A shift in awareness may begin to fill that emptied space.  Perhaps it is a question of timing, prioritizing, soul searching, managing, clearing out what no longer serves you, checking back in with your values.  In my lowest moments, I have had to re-evaluate all that I hold dear.

As an example, Bailey the Master Healer energy worker horse survived displacement colic last November. It was painful to watch her struggle and go down.  Because she is basically a wild horse, never stalled, colic surgery was out of the question.  The Vet did all she could do, then we waited.  I also did all I knew how to do.  I went into shock feeling her distress.  Somewhere around 2:00 in the morning, I had to move into acceptance, turning the outcome over to spirit and thinking about what life might be like without Bailey.  I grieved.  I was cold to the bones in the barn, and went inside to warm myself.  An hour later I went back out to check on her.  She nickered at me and asked if I was going to feed her!  Well, no, I couldn’t.  She had passed enormous amounts of gas, and passed tiny amounts of very hard stool, but she was not out of the woods.  Those things helped her colon to return to its proper place.  She remained on sloppy senior equine for a week and lost weight.  She is still with us.  I had to “release” her before she actually turned the corner. Huh.

That was only the first part of the equation. I have had many horse health issues to deal with the past few months. Perhaps they have all been displaying what was coming for me.  They taught me lessons that would become valuable.  My husband and I are aging.  I have more health issues than he does.  However, aging changes are sneaky.  Your body changes and doesn’t always support you as it once did. These are unexpected variables.

I was having what I thought were shoulder issues. It was a shock when x-rays and an MRI showed that my cervical spine in my neck had deteriorated and was causing nerve damage.  (Like I was 82, not 62)! It is not exactly life threatening, but somewhat painful, uncomfortable and annoying.  There is weakness in my left arm and pain across the nerve in my shoulder.  Interrupted spinal fluid in my head causes pressure and dizziness.  I am physically off balance.  I am tired from only being able to sleep on my right side.  I have disc deterioration, bone spurs, calcification and a vertebrae lying on my spinal cord.  It could severe my spinal cord if I were rear ended, had a bad fall or came off a horse. I am a very private person.  I don’t like medical treatment or medications. I can reveal however that it really upset my apple cart.  I felt like I ran directly into the old age wall.

It has taken me months to practice acceptance, adapting and release. I have had to release many things and practice the guidance I have shared above.  I have seen a Shaman and other alternative spiritual treatments to get to the root of the issue.  I have an integrative Doctor, with the same cervical spine issues who carefully sent me to specialists.  I have had 3 spinal injections of steroids to reduce the inflammation, and create space for my damaged nerve.  I am seeing a conservative neurosurgeon later this month.

So much has been revealed to me during this process. On a spiritual level, it seems that my higher heart during this lifetime has been broken and manifested this brokenness on a physical level.  I carry such a high level of compassion/ coupled with guilt and the feeling of failure because I can’t always accomplish what is placed before me.  It pains me to witness the suffering of humanity.  My daughter calls it compassion fatigue.

You see we have a life purpose, but we also have a soul purpose. One of my spiritual healing friends placed me in a portal next to a gently flowing river, and her guides had me go back to before I manifested here to see where the misalignment occurred.  Her guides told her I had the innate ability to unwind that DNA (human and energetic imprint) and change it myself.  Sounds crazy, right?  We manifest into the physical to experience these unexpected variables.  So, in essence, I am now expanding, repairing my broken higher heart and traveling through higher consciousness in the upper eight through 12 and beyond energy centers (chakras), looking for the answers or remembering what I am to learn here as a higher healing Being, my souls journey.  I was aided to strip away a blockage created in my physical body or shell.  Accepting, adapting and releasing created shifts and awareness in my spiritual being.  Our spiritual journey is expansive- with no limitations. Phew.  What a powerful journey.