Surviving a rip current

Did you know that about 100 people a year in the US die from being pulled out to sea by rip currents every year? That’s a LOT more than from shark attacks or jellyfish stings. In fact, sharks – the thing everyone is afraid of – only kill about 6 people a year globally.

Most people caught in a rip panic and try to swim directly back to shore. Given that the tide travels faster than an Olympic swimmer – speeds up to 8 feet per second – that’s a shortcut to fatigue and drowning. Conventional wisdom would have you swim parallel to shore until you escape the current’s pull but contemporary research says that’s also not always such a great idea either. Since 80 to 90% of rips flow in a circular motion, you only have a 50/50 chance of making the right parallel choice – not an easy task when you’re caught in the current. Go the wrong way and all you’re doing is swimming into the flow – again, a shortcut to an exhausted, watery demise.

So what to do? You’re in a life-threatening situation, all your primal instincts are screaming for you to DO SOMETHING!!! The options are limited and may even hasten the inevitable. Well, research by Jamie McMahan, a rip current expert at the Naval Postgraduate School in Monterey, suggests “doing the unthinkable: giving in and going with the flow… It’s a radically simple finding—one that challenges our primordial instincts and everything we think we know about beach safety.” McMahan recommends, “If you can relax—and it’s a long time, for maybe three minutes—you’re generally going to float back to the beach.” CATCH: even that doesn’t work for everyone – most people, terrified for their lives, aren’t going to be mindful enough to relax and see what happens. And because rips appear to be as diverse as the people they like to kill, other research has found that “sometimes swim parallel is great, sometimes it doesn’t work. Same for floating.”

Surf Life Saving Australia (in a country probably more intimate with the danger of rips than any other) acknowledges that “rips are a complex, dynamic hazard and the multitude of variables—swimming ability, current strength, circulation, wave size—make the threat nearly impossible to solve with one-size-fits-all advice. No single “escape strategy” is appropriate all the time.” Seems like survival is contingent on multiple factors that are unique to each person and situation. Sounds a bit like LIFE.

So in the end, your rip current options are as follows:

1. Stay calm and conserve energy
2. Stay afloat as best you can and signal for help
3. If the rip isn’t too strong, attempt to swim parallel to shore
4. Let go, embrace your terror, and float with the rip – you will either be transported back to the beach if it’s a circular current, or you’ll end up past the breakers and you can swim at an angle back to the beach

And now you know how to survive a rip current. You’re welcome.  😉 But why am I talking about this on a “Women Move It Forward” blog?

It started with a post I was writing in a support group on Facebook. I was talking about how I believe I’m doing all the right things and yet am still feeling overwhelmed, out of control, like I’m drowning and not making any headway on a particular aspect of my life. As I was writing I could feel my shame and fear well up. After all, I’m a coach! I’m supposed to have my shit together so I can help other people get theirs together too! What kind of a fraud would dare to position themselves as a resource for others when she is struggling herself? How on earth am I ever going to embrace abundance if I can’t let go of this need?? What if I drown?!

And as I wrote, I could hear my inner coach laughing. I know I’m a good coach. I know I help people – they wouldn’t write me glowing testimonials otherwise. Back to our rip current analogy – I’m a good swimmer! I’m also good at helping others learn to swim! But guess what, I got caught in rip current and started to panic. Even great swimmers drown in those things, remember. My inner coach asked, “if it is too difficult to swim sideways out of the current, what would happen if you tried floating or treading water and just let nature do her thing? You’ll wash out of the current at some point and can then make your way back to shore. Or what if you turned around and swam in the other direction? Have you signaled for help? How are you conserving your energy?”

As she talked, I felt a sense of survival start to grow. I began to get present and look at my circumstances with a more mindful eye. She’s right, I do need to conserve my resources, ask for help and try something different. Even if that’s just floating for a while as I regroup. I can assess my unique skills and strengths to figure out which approach is going to work best to break free from my own personal rip current and get back to shore.

I feel less panicked; more resolute. I am grateful (and much better informed about rip currents, should I find myself at the beach anytime soon). For now, I’m trusting my buoyancy and going with the flow as I assess the situation and make the right plan for me. I can practically feel the shore under my feet as I let go of the fear – all is well. All is well. Trust the process.

~ * ~

(Rip current info from various resources on the interwebs, but for this post I pulled mainly from this one: https://www.outsideonline.com/2089696/everything-you-know-about-surviving-rip-currents-wrong)

 

 

 

Happy New Year! Or Learning to Dance With Monkeys…

It’s my birthday today, which means it’s my personal New Year celebration. An opportunity to look back at the last year and set intentions to move purposefully into the new year ahead.

To be honest, I’m thrilled at the opportunity for a clean slate. The last year could pretty accurately be summed up by this (excuse the language):

It’s been hard on pretty much every level, and I’ve felt like the monkey’s target practice on more than one occasion. But last week I was grateful to attend our annual Touched By a Horse summit – the timing couldn’t be more perfect as I wrapped up my annus horribilis. Not only was I able to salve my soul by reconnecting with Equine Gestalt Coaching herdmates and celebrating as friends graduated to Certified Practitioner status, but I was given the opportunity to re-frame my coaching business in a way that excites me and will allow me to lean into some of my core competencies in a much more powerful way.

Now I’m looking forward to learning how to dance with that monkey called life again – when it flings poo at me, I’m going to embrace the glee with which it hurls the dung and I’m going to duck and leap and twirl, and know that if I cop some crap it’s nothing a bit of vigorous scrubbing can’t take care of. I’m shifting the focus of my coaching, starting with myself, and I’m going to construct an annus mirabilis – a wonderful year… so Happy Birthday, me – let the dance begin!

 

Pregnant? It’s a vision!

Animal Advocate Brooke with Faith at Farm Sanctuary in NY

At a dinner party recently, I was talking with a fellow animal advocate about a mutual friend’s recent visit to Farm Sanctuary in New York, and I found myself telling him that I was going to expand the equine guided side of my coaching practice one day to include bovine, porcine and caprine coaches (cows, pigs and goats) – what?! The thought hadn’t crossed my (conscious) mind and suddenly my mouth was writing this BIG CHECK! The person I was telling seemed excited and thought the idea was cool. I quickly dug into my food to stop my mouth from running off as I started to think about what I had just said.

The next thing I knew, the following morning my fingers took over from my mouth and typed the following status update on my business Facebook page: “I need to start learning about caring for cows, pigs and goats, because I’m getting hints from the horses that my healing team may need to include animals that people often think of as “food” to help them close the gap and connect with these beings from their hearts. Of course, I’m going to need the right property, the right support network, and – most importantly – to find animal partners who are interested in doing this work. It will take some time but I am seeing the glimmer of a vision start to form, like a shimmering mirage in my future…”

So I started to write this concept into a five year vision for my business and realized it had some very real energy. As someone who coaches animal advocates and vegan advocates (not necessarily the same thing, although there is overlap), I am realizing the power of having these people, who speak on behalf of animals all the time, connect – no, REALLY CONNECT – with representatives of some of the species our society deems as commodities to be used and consumed, and to REALLY LISTEN to them. To set aside assumptions, stories, ego needs, judgments and agendas, and experience pure wisdom “from the horse’s mouth” (or the cow’s or pig’s or goat’s mouth) as it were. If the equine work is anything to go by, there will be some powerful transformations.

Brooke connecting with Benny the goat at Farm Sanctuary in NY

I’ve found myself thinking about this business model a lot, more motivated to do some of the less exciting work I have on my plate that brings in the rent money, and carrying around a feeling that I can’t quite articulate in the pit of my stomach (hello, sacral and solar plexus chakras – seats of creation, will and determination!).

Honestly I don’t know how I feel about this. It’s a bit like how I’d imagine it would be to find out I’m pregnant (if I were someone who ever wanted children). I’m feeling ALL the ambivalence:

• Do I want this? ~Isn’t the question “Do I want this more than anything else?” And what will I regret if I decide I don’t want it?
• Can I do it? ~Well it won’t be easy, but yes – plenty of others have gone before you.
• Can I do it on my own? ~You’re a resourceful gal, you’ll figure it out. And how do you know you’ll have to do it alone?
• Will I be a good parent (steward) to the creation? ~Um, you’re really asking this??
• OMG all the sacrifices I’ll need to make! ~But they’ll be worth it. And really? Sacrifices? Come now.
• The cost! ~And the rewards. 🙂
• I don’t know what I’m doing! You can learn.
• I’ll have to settle down! ~Maybe that’s not such a bad thing.
• The responsibility!! ~Oh for goodness sakes, Lorrin, put your Big Girl Panties on…

To imagine my own little micro sanctuary, providing a life of peace and protection to some animals who otherwise would have been killed and consumed – and then to imagine those animals choosing to help open people’s hearts and reconnect them with their souls so that we all can go out and do our bit towards bringing the Peaceable Kingdom on earth as it is in heaven. It overwhelms me with emotion – I can barely breathe with… fear? excitement? anticipation?

If I do this, the gestation will be long and arduous, the birth protracted. My life would be irrevocably changed. For the better, I believe. And – I hope – so would many others, human and non-human.

(huge thanks to animal advocate Brooke Baldwin for allowing me to share her photos – and for EVERYTHING she does for the animals!)

Action: The Great Antidote

It’s ironic that the bigger our dreams, sometimes the greater the inertia that smothers us, keeping those dreams from becoming reality. Ah, that old friend Overwhelm! It is the nemesis of every idealist, showing up hot on the heels of a Big Dream, and bringing its friends Depression and Apathy along for the ride.

You know how cuckoos will lay their egg in another bird’s nest, and as the cuckoo baby grows, he takes over the nest and all the food meant for the original inhabitants? Well that’s what Depression and Apathy do to your brain. It doesn’t take long before they suck you into a quagmire of inertia, and before you know it, those dreams you had seem completely unattainable. Nasty spirals ensue.

But there is an Antidote to their paralyzing poison! It’s called ACTION, and it is powerful beyond measure. The best bit? You can implement it in little steps – even the teeniest tip toe is effective, as long as you take another one… and another one.

“You can make radical changes in minute steps… If you can’t take a huge step, take as big a step as you can, but take it now.” ~Zig Ziglar

Usually after a few little steps, the energy starts to shift and, with it, your mood and your motivation.  Before you know it, you’re walking again and maybe even breaking into a trot here or there… How about a canter? Hey, now you’re galloping towards your goals and nobody’s going to stop you! 

If you need a little push to take that teeny first step, ask for help! Call a friend,  have an accountability buddy, hire a coach. Have someone take the step with you. Celebrate each one – every action counts! It might only be getting off the couch and taking a shower, but it’s POSITIVE, FORWARD ACTION!  It may be making one call for your business, but it’s POSITIVE, FORWARD ACTION! As the famous motivational speaker Zig Ziglar, says, “If you can’t take a huge step, take as big a step as you can, but TAKE IT NOW.”

What’s your minute step towards radical change going to be? Share with us so we can celebrate with you every step of the way!

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Listening as Spiritual Hospitality

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Author, priest and professor Henri Nouwen wrote this about the practice of listening: “To listen is very hard, because it asks of us so much interior stability that we no longer need to prove ourselves by speeches, arguments, statements, or declarations. True listeners no longer have an inner need to make their presence known. They are free to receive, to welcome, to accept.

“Listening is much more than allowing another to talk while waiting for a chance to respond. Listening is paying full attention to others and welcoming them into our very beings. The beauty of listening is that, those who are listened to start feeling accepted, start taking their words more seriously and discovering their own true selves. Listening is a form of spiritual hospitality by which you invite strangers to become friends, to get to know their inner selves more fully, and even to dare to be silent with you.”

What a beautiful way to look at such a fundamental interaction – to reframe listening as more than simply acknowledging another, but extending to them a spiritual gift of hospitality – welcome and acceptance. As coaches, the best value we can provide to our clients is our undivided, fully present attention, in order to help them “start taking their own words more seriously and discovering their own true selves. Listening is at the heart of any transformational relationship and I believe that – coach or not – by truly listening to others –  by extending our spiritual hospitality unreservedly and unconditionally – we can change the world.

With whom will you share the gift of your spiritual hospitality today?

Five Things They Don’t Tell You About Self Care

Self care is at the core of pretty much every coaching session I’ve ever had (as a coach and a client). Whether it’s about healing a past trauma, learning to hold space (and boundaries), envisioning a better future – it always comes back to self care. But what, exactly, is this thing called self-care?

Here are five things nobody tells you about self-care, that might help you to reframe it and give it the priority it deserves in your life.

1. Self Care is Not Self Indulgence
   So often when we see the term “self-care”, it accompanies images of people meditating, enjoying a massage or soaking in a bathtub – the implication being that self-care is mainly about taking time out or pampering oneself. That’s part of the picture, but it’s a little misleading, and often feeds into a belief system that says self-care is a guilty pleasure… creating resistance and getting in the way of people investing in a very strategic activity.Consider this: is it indulgent to ensure your car is regularly serviced so that it can run efficiently? Is it indulgent to keep its fuel, oil and water at optimum levels? Of course not, it’s necessary to ensure you have reliable transport!Taking good care of your body, mind and spirit is not indulgent, it is an investment. Making healthy, compassionate and sustainable food choices instead of getting a quick junk food fix – that’s self-care. Investing in a good mattress so you can sleep well – that’s self-care. Prioritizing a spiritual practice over an extra half hour in bed – that’s self-care. Deciding to go for a walk or to hit the gym to build a strong, fit and resilient body – that’s as much self-care as curling up on the couch with a bowl of creamy cashew milk ice cream and a good book; maybe more so, if this is the fifth night in a row on that couch!

   Self-care is about ensuring key needs are being met, and by applying discipline to ensure that happens. Because when we are unnourished in any way, we are not whole enough to do our best work in the world. Sometimes self-care IS indulging – and, just as often, it’s choosing not to indulge but to invest in our highest good.

2. Self Care is Not Selfish (or narcissistic)
   Our society often (erroneously) equates martyrdom with sainthood, and we have bought into that myth. Placing the needs of others before those of ourselves is seen as virtuous and good, while setting boundaries in order to meet our own (sometimes basic) needs is seen as selfish and self-centered.There is a very good reason airlines tell passengers to put their own oxygen masks on before helping others in an emergency: If you’ve fainted from lack of oxygen, not only are you unable to help another, but you’ve become a liability: someone who themselves needs rescuing.As a coach, I see burnout everywhere I look. People have exhausted themselves in service to others; putting their own needs on the backburner to the detriment of the very beings they are trying to help. In extreme cases, this has led to either physical or emotional collapse. Compassion fatigue and burnout are rampant in all avenues of life these days. Side effects of this are health issues, relationship issues, resentment, anger, violence, apathy, withdrawal… In every case, the person affected is no longer helping the people or cause they have given so much to – indeed, they often end up undermining and harming that or those which they love, not to mention becoming burdens themselves.

   So I’d like to challenge you all to consider strategic self-care as selfless: ensuring you can serve with joy, in health and from a position of strength that enables you to sustain your efforts over the long run is the best thing you can do for those you love. And, for those of you who are parents, it’s a great way to model strength, resilience and sustainable service.

3. Self Care is Another Term for Self Love
   Stop. What was your reaction to that? Did you immediately do the internal equivalent of turning your head away? Self love? Isn’t that about affirmations and self-talk around how I am worthy and beautiful? Well… again, that’s part of it!There is so much online about bullying these days – how people can be so cruel to one another is a sad thing but how often do we consider where some of this starts? How we bully ourselves – with our denigrating self-talk, with our refusal to make healthy choices or to set good boundaries, with our pathological self-neglect – sets the tone. How we respect (or don’t respect) ourselves teaches others how to treat us. It creates tolerance of unreasonable expectations and a lack of respect that inevitably spills over – whether in words, actions or simply energetic influence.

   Now consider love. When you love something or someone you nurture it/them. You protect, you encourage, you promote, you CARE. Would you speak to someone you love the way you sometimes speak to yourself? Would you willfully neglect someone or something you love the way you sometimes neglect yourself? Would you be OK with someone you love making bad choices that get them hurt; that put them in pain or danger? Of course not! So why are you OK with that for yourself? How is that setting a standard for how others should act? Self-care is a way of modeling, starting with yourself, a loving, respectful, nurturing approach to life. And just as love isn’t always fluff and bubbles, neither is self-care. Sometimes it’s making tough decisions or walking away from something or someone, sometimes it’s enforcing bedtime or taking the candy away. ALWAYS, it’s about what’s best. Apply your standards of love to yourself – because you deserve it, yes, and because the world needs it.

4. (The Best) Self Care Is Strategic
   Many of us wait to prioritize self-care until we hit the wall. We have a meltdown or some other crisis forces us to take time out, or to get the care or help we’ve needed for a while. That can be expensive – trying to juggle medical costs, the loss of income, being debilitated, or trying to dig out of a deep depression… the costs and effort required to get back to wellness or equilibrium can be overwhelming in themselves, contributing to a downward spiral. Sometimes we come to the realization we need to take care of ourselves too late: we’ve lost the job, the relationship is in tatters, the bridges have been burned.Only then do we realize that this crisis could have been averted had we stood up for ourselves, invested in ourselves, protected, nurtured, encouraged, LOVED ourselves a little sooner.

   Like saving money, self-care is not something to put off, to be prioritized when we have time, or after we finish this project, or next time we’re spoken to that way. Waiting until we need those reserves is too late to start building them, and “heroic efforts” like overdue vacations or spa days are often too little, too late. Like saving for retirement, self-care is something we need to plan, prioritize and make regular contributions to. By doing so, you may find a little goes a long way when you need it.
   
   

5. Self Care is Just a Band-Aid Without Self Awareness
   And Band-Aid self care is not enough – even “strategic” Band-Aids are still Band-Aids. We need self awareness too. What if we could do a better job of understanding and aligning with our highest values while simultaneously knowing and meeting our deepest needs? What if we changed the rules around what made us feel overwhelmed, resentful, angry, helpless or taken advantage of? What if we truly cared enough to give this world the absolute best we could be?

What will you commit to now, to take better care of yourself?

 

Carpe annum!

Usually the New Year brings with it a deluge of Resolutions – often more of a wish list than a commitment to intentions. Well, this year I’m not making any resolutions – instead I’m seizing the year to grow and stretch, based on one very big decision to relocate.

Now I’m no stranger to relocations, being nomadic by nature. I’ve lived in more homes than I am years old, and have found my way through four countries and three continents without much in the way of trepidation or hesitation. This move, however, kinda frightens me. I’m choosing to move to a State that epitomizes much of what I have spent my adult life growing away from. My reasons for moving are sound: to be close to family during a year that promises to be fairly trying for them.

I’ve baulked many times at the move but every time, when I check in with my higher self, ask the horses for their wisdom, and pray for guidance, I am reassured that this is a Right and Good thing to do. I keep coming back to the words of a good friend, with whom I explored my decision before committing:

1. A year goes by fast and it’ll be time to move on before you know it;
2. You won’t enjoy every minute… and you won’t regret a second;
3. You will grow in ways you don’t yet know you need to grow.

So this year I’m going to regularly practice the following:

• Living and speaking my truth with consistency, integrity and humility.
• Seeking to understand before seeking to be understood.
• Acting and speaking strategically:
  • Knowing when a stand must be taken – not to be “right” but for justice to prevail;
  • But also recognizing when discretion is the better part of valor.
• Forgiving – myself and others.
• Leaning into growth, even when it’s painful.
• Practicing composure.
• Choosing kindness – every single time.

It’s going to be uncomfortable, probably downright painful sometimes. But it’s going to be worth it – after all, how does one truly stretch and grow if one never leaves one’s comfort zone?

The Exit Glow

Last week, over Thanksgiving, I was suddenly put in a situation where I’m going to have to get REAL about deciding whether or not to actually leave where I live, sooner rather than later. If I do leave, I’ll be moving for a while to a different place from where I had decided I wanted to go – in fact, it will be to a place I’ve proclaimed for years that I would not move (ah, the irony!). I’m 99.9% sure I’ll go – after all, the reasons are good and very much aligned with my values…

And yet, suddenly I’m desperately in love with where I live! I’m seeing the people around me with so much more acceptance; I’m drinking in every sight, sound, smell and appreciating the unique beauty of my environment; I’m going to community events and getting all teary-eyed at the sweetness of it all. I’m recognizing how precious each of my still-budding relationships are, and that I want to invest in seeing them grow. I’m overlooking little irritations and being grateful for all the things that are easy, that work well, that are unique to this place.

Chasing a rainbow through the exit glow

It happens every time – every relationship I decide to end; every place I decide to leave –  there is a period of intense involvement and appreciation following my decision to leave, the leaving generally takes a long time… and ultimately often comes as a surprise to those involved when I do finally act on a decision that may have been made internally months, even years, previously. It makes the final leaving hard, the post-leaving nostalgia poignant, and it also makes that brief, suspended time before I go so, so beautiful.

I’ve realized that there are some good reasons I sit in my “exit glow” state so long: to be suddenly very present and aware of the beauty of the place or person I’m planning to leave is a very tender and sweet place to be. It’s yummy! My animal communication teacher said once that sometimes it’s this very yumminess that will cause animals at the end of their lives to linger, immersed in the love and attention of those who love them – that resonated with me.

I’m also a people-pleaser. I don’t want to let anyone down. As a result I tend to stay in this “exit glow” state longer than I maybe should, and putting off the hard work of actually leaving.

Last week, my coach (the fabulous BB Harding of A Horse And A Wizard, also a blogger here) helped me recognize and put words to my tendency to indulge the “exit glow”. She also helped me see that it is just a part of my process – that it’s not the indecisiveness or vacillation I thought it was. I hadn’t realized until BB coached me through it, that through this “exit glow” period, I’m actually not indecisive at all: I remain clear about my final decision (the one that was generally made in a split-second, guided by my intuition and values, right at the beginning). I just allow myself to be distracted by the glow, and to doubt my inner wisdom as a result. I also realized how I’ve used it as a strategy to avoid potentially upsetting people, and how that is where I trade away my core values to meet a need, such as approval or being liked.

So my work now is to find a way to tap into that pre-nostalgic appreciation for people, places and situations earlier – to take the “exit” out of “exit glow” and simply practice being present, grateful and aware from the get-go. To honor my values, understand my needs, to be OK with owning that my decisions will not always make everyone happy but that if they are made in integrity and in service to the highest good, they are the right ones. This might be the first step towards living a two-feet-in life, instead of always having one foot out the door.