To Wonder or Wander

The word Wonder choose me at my annual 2018 Winter Solstice party.  As we all gathered in the darkness we let go of past hurts, judgements, expectations, fears and disappointments. Then I selected a candle, lit it and read the phrase underneath. “This winter Solstice let your Wonder expand with the lengthening of light.” Funny I thought, how can I  wonder this coming year with all that it promised. I was afraid of 2019 and what it might bring.  How can ‘wonder”, a simple word that evokes lightness, breathlessness, amazement and even joy be my word for 2019?  Was mother time a practical joker? Could Spirit, I wonder be a trickster?

I looked at the word “wonder” and thought maybe it meant wander. That would be more appropriate.  I did not want 2019 to start. Somehow I wished it would just forget to arrive. I knew 2019 was to be a year of long lost looks, treasured smiles that may not come again and watching my love change. Normally I am a very upbeat, positive and joyous individual and wonder of the world around me was normal. But not at this moment in my life. I could easily wander but surely not experience wonder. How could one little “o”  be substituted with an “a” and change everything?

You see during the last quarter of 2018 my husband was diagnosed with liver cancer.  With his diagnosis the road or journey I was on took a swift detour. As I started grasping the meaning of his diagnosis I felt like I was wandering in a dense forest with no clear path in sight.  We were told his condition was not good, and he would be given palliative care than a treatment for a cure. Our world quickly narrowed, blinders installed and our life centered around countless doctor appointments, specialist meetings, insurance approvals, reviewing different treatment options, waiting for treatment approval and then treatment. At times I felt like I had gone right over a guard rail and then was so very slowly falling off a cliff as time started going backwards.

I do wonder how one, out of many doctor appointments could change everything.  In a split moment, a micro dot of time, all did not appear as it seems.  My world, our world became not sure, not predictable and to be honest quite upside down. A place to wander about in, yes, but to wonder at, no I don’t think so.

How am I to be in Wonder through this time that is propelling me towards a complete unchartered course?  We both have become a statistic (does that sound crass). I have become a caretaker, nurse, possibility creator director, administrator and manager. He has been given the role of patient (funny word when you think of it, waiting and waiting for what?).  The last 4 months we have been spent hours in drab doctor offices, consultations, waiting rooms, procedures, long night web and media searches. We have cried, embraced and held hands through the long dark night. We have become the center of something I can’t define or defend. I am wandering for sure.

I know I am going through the stages of grief. Grief for the life we knew and had together. I am ashamed to say that at the doctors office, I was actually relieved to finally understand what was wrong. For so long he had not been doing well. Later I panicked and became determined to find out everything I could do to save him. Then I became  angry/bewildered stage (although that won’t last I’m sure). But now more often than not, I feel ashamed and selfish, after all this is his illness and this time is not about me.

Now as the days and months pass I feel a sort of peace settling around us. Is that wrong? I’m beginning to understand that whatever happens really is to be.  I can’t change the ending only the present. For me love now has a new special “present sweetness”. I cherish the smallest of moments. I feel the cocoon of time wrapping us up together . No that’s not quite true, I feel the cocoon of time wrapping me up so I can experience the sweet moment of a look or laugh. In my dreams and the whee morning I feel the spirts slip surround us. They pull silken strings in all colors around our home and heart, creating a type of nest where we can rest and be safe. Then as the business of daylight arrives, I experience sadness, anger, loneliness, isolation, fear, grief, openness and frustration.  And the worst part is that I really don’t know what he is feeling.  He is a silent, gentle, private man and one of few words.

So to go from wandering and just floating in the abyss to “Wondering”  will take me time. Gosh even Jesus wandered in the desert until clarity, peace and vision came upon him, so I guess I’m in good company. For me, I ask for unlimited gentleness, strength, focus and energy because to curl up in a blanket and pretend the world goes away would be easier. I have been wandering for too long in fear.

To wonder will require me to pause and take in the scent of each moment. I notice the daylight is lengthening. I have been told by spirit to increase my Wonder of life, love and joy. I must change my A’s to more O’s and allow the wonder of the day into my heart and mind. If grief overcomes me again (as I know it will), I hope to not shrink from it but wonder at the wonder and depth of my emotions. Wonder will bring light not only to me but to those I care most about. Isn’t that a wonder.

Barbara is the owner and president of Wayfinding with Horses, Inc.  She is a  certified practitioner of the Equine Gestalt Coaching Method, a retired Professional Engineer and Qi Gong Instructor. As a coach she supports her client’s inner compass and she is a woman passionate about horses and their wellbeing. Clients often report a heightened sense of awareness of their surroundings, others experience a deeper, more profound understanding of their relationships, connection and personal journey.  Barbara lives at Wayfinding Farm, located near Ocala Florida.

 

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Journey

“He who returns from a journey is not the same as he who left”.

Summer has come to end. The heat and rain of 2018 will be long remembered, but most memorable will be my 2680 mile road trip. As I mentioned in my previous blog I did not go to any exotic location. My trip was charted by destiny. It started with me placing pins on a map of where old friends, horses I knew and relatives still lived throughout the eastern US. It also included seeing old homes, special roads or views that I loved.  I learned that my bones take a bit longer to straighten out after being in a car for any length of time, but my eyes were just as bright exploring new roads and re-experiencing old trails.

The last part of my trip took me to SW Pennsylvania. The scenery; hills of green, winding rivers and forest so lush and thick they were intoxicating, brought me back home.   I visited my old work place and got caught up with my co-harts.  I rode horses down familiar trails and even went to visit my old homestead(s). It was nostalgic and a bit sad, but clearly evident to me that the home and land was no longer part of whom I was.

But one thing, above all stood out to me on this trip. One evening my girlfriend got all the other ladies together that I knew.  When I lived there I was part of a monthly “horsey girl night out” where we shared stories about our horses, training we learned about or brought a video or two to discuss. I loved this group of women but really didn’t imagine I’d be able to see so many of them during my stay. When I walked in, I briefly looked around and took note of their changes and then there I was. Again, smack in the middle of stories, laughter, crying and hugs. I had to pinch myself to remind myself that I was no longer a regular part of this group.

What made this group just like going home to family? I quickly realized that it was not necessarily the monthly get togethers that bonded us, but really quite more.  We all had been there for each other through snow storms, loss of electricity, helped each other with sick or injured horses, rode the hills together, vacationed with our horses together, lifted each one up when a job was lost, a child became sick or a family memeber died.  We loved each other just as much for our faults and as our virtues. We had seen the worse of each other, the quirky sides and even the best from time to time. Is this what binds a family, a group, a village or nation I mused about during those 2 1/2 weeks on the road?

For me, growing up in a military family and moving often, I used to believe that the wonderful places I experienced overshadowed the many, many friendships I made. I was wrong. Here was a group of strong, independent women that became my family for only 12 years and yet when we met again after 5 years, we were as connected as ever! Most other people, I suspect know and understand the value of friendship and may not even questioned or think much about it. But for me the profound ability to reconnect and not be the one looking from the outside in (as was my regular pattern) was amazing and something I will cherish always.

To friendship and the journey!

Barbara is the owner and president of Wayfinding with Horses, Inc.  She is trained in the Equine Gestalt Coaching Method, a retired Professional Engineer and Qi Gong Instructor but mostly she is a woman passionate about horses, their wellbeing and their gift of being present. The horses help her clients to trust their true nature and lead from the heart.  Clients often report a heightened awareness of their surroundings and others while experiencing a deeper, more profound understanding of their relationships and connection to others.  Barbara lives at Wayfinding Farm, located near Ocala Florida.

Friendships

“He who returns from a journey is not the same as he who left”.

Summer has come to end. The heat and rain of 2018 will be long remembered, but most memorable will be my 2680 mile road trip. As I mentioned in my previous blog I did not go to any exotic location. My trip was charted by destiny. It started with me placing pins on a map of where old friends, horses I knew and relatives still lived throughout the eastern US. It also included seeing old homes, special roads or views that I loved.  I learned that my bones take a bit longer to straighten out after being in a car for any length of time, but my eyes were just as bright exploring new roads and re-experiencing old trails.

The last part of my trip took me to SW Pennsylvania. The scenery; hills of green, winding rivers and forest so lush and thick they were intoxicating, brought me back home.   I visited my old work place and got caught up with my co-harts.  I rode horses down familiar trails and even went to visit my old homestead(s). It was nostalgic and a bit sad, but clearly evident to me that the home and land was no longer part of whom I was.

But one thing, above all stood out to me on this trip. One evening my girlfriend got all the other ladies together that I knew.  When I lived there I was part of a monthly “horsey girl night out” where we shared stories about our horses, training we learned about or brought a video or two to discuss. I loved this group of women but really didn’t imagine I’d be able to see so many of them during my stay. When I walked in, I briefly looked around and took note of their changes and then there I was. Again, smack in the middle of stories, laughter, crying and hugs. I had to pinch myself to remind myself that I was no longer a regular part of this group.

What made this group just like going home to family? I quickly realized that it was not necessarily the monthly get togethers that bonded us, but really quite more.  We all had been there for each other through snow storms, loss of electricity, helped each other with sick or injured horses, rode the hills together, vacationed with our horses together, lifted each one up when a job was lost, a child became sick or a family memeber died.  We loved each other just as much for our faults and as our virtues. We had seen the worse of each other, the quirky sides and even the best from time to time. Is this what binds a family, a group, a village or nation I mused about during those 2 1/2 weeks on the road?

For me, growing up in a military family and moving often, I used to believe that the wonderful places I experienced overshadowed the many, many friendships I made. I was wrong. Here was a group of strong, independent women that became my family for only 12 years and yet when we met again after 5 years, we were as connected as ever! Most other people, I suspect know and understand the value of friendship and may not even questioned or think much about it. But for me the profound ability to reconnect and not be the one looking from the outside in (as was my regular pattern) was amazing and something I will cherish always.

To friendship!

Barbara is the owner and president of Wayfinding with Horses, Inc.  She is trained in the Equine Gestalt Coaching Method, a retired Professional Engineer and Qi Gong Instructor but mostly she is a woman passionate about horses, their wellbeing and their gift of being present. The horses help her clients to trust their true nature and lead from the heart.  Clients often report a heightened awareness of their surroundings and others while experiencing a deeper, more profound understanding of their relationships and connection to others.  Barbara lives at Wayfinding Farm, located near Ocala Florida.

When I’m 64

Blog post contributed by Barbara B.

I was listening to “The Beatles” on Alexa and had to stop to laugh out loud when I heard “When I’m  64”.  I remember that song so clearly and used to sing it very tongue-in-cheek.  I was 15 when the Sgt’s Pepper Lonely Hearts Club Band album came out. I was living in Honolulu, learning to play the guitar ( I wanted to be Joan Baez) and laughed at the thought I could ever be “that” old. I couldn’t imagine losing my long blond hair and certainly would never, ever be lonely enough to join a club.  We lived in an upstairs condo and I shared the turn table (stereo record player) that was in the living room with my two older sisters and mother.  I remember wanting to turn the sound up but was not allowed. I had to wait to visit my friend Leilani who had her own bedroom in the basement of her home.  We would blast the album to our heart’s content.  We’d read the words on the back of the cover and cried when “She’s leaving home” played. Later we’d silently whisper to each other how we hoped a “boy” would ask us out to tea, just like the Lovely Rita Meter Maid.

Back then, in 1967 my AM radio was my companion.  My older sisters were out of school and not around. We used slide rulers for complicated math equations. The Vietnam war was still in full swing and our TV was black and white with three channels. Man had orbited the earth but not yet landed on the moon. Sun burns were in and we lathered ourselves with baby oil to brown to perfection. Mini skirts were all the rage with fish net stockings. You had to pay for a long distance phone call, so they were rare.

I resonated with the “64” song because I knew at 15 what it meant to long for something not identifiable.  My sadness stemmed from missing my father who was off at war, longed for my friends (4 legged and others) that I left behind to relocate to paradise. The culture although beautiful, was foreign to me and the city buzzed all day and night. The stars were hard to see unless we went to the Pali, high on the windward cliff. I longed for the green hills of Maryland, snow, the whiff of a shaggy pony and even mud. I missed knowing what my life was suppose to be.  I believed at the time my feeling of wanting to be needed was only temporary and that being out of step with the other teens was due to my constant moves and relocations then feeling and being different.

Now I laugh with the lyrics and realize how much has changed but then how little has really changed. Love is still important. Longing is not obsolete. Promises are made and broken. So the following is my attempt to be funny and tongue-in-cheek at the young age of 66. See my comments italicized after the original song lyrics.

When  I get older losing my hair – who really cares unless it’s from cancer,

Will you still be sending me Valentines, birthday greetings, bottle of wine – Just the wine please.

If I’d been out till quarter to three, would you lock the door? – I don’t and have never locked the door, so what, and 3 in the afternoon is not that late.

Will you still need me, will you still feed me When I’m 64. – We share our meals  most of the time, and you can go ahead and eat if I don’t make it home in time. 

I could be handy mending a fuse, When your lights have gone. – Please do and while your at it grab the scented oil.

You can knit a sweater by the fireside and Sunday mornings go for a ride – I’ll make a lap wrap for the senior center and then take a long trail ride after you hitch up the trailer.

Send me a post card, drop me a line, Stating point of view. –Just please no political opinions

Indicate precisely what you mean to say, Yours sincerely wasting away – Please get to the point already, later we’ll  go to the river to kayak, then stop and eat a salad and later have a triple dip ice cream cone.

Give me an answer, fill in the form – get off of Facebook and talk to me!

Mine for evermore – yes, dear of course

Will you still need me – yes, Will you still feed me –Its your turn to cook,

When I’m 64 – 64’s not that old ask me at 90 🙂

Do you have a favorite song?  Take it down and dust it off. See how it resonates with your life now. Feel young again and be grateful for your time on earth.

Enough nostalgia, time for me to get going, feed the horses, mow the field and pick the green beans for dinner. Ta, ta for now.

Barbara is the president of Wayfinding with Horses, Inc. trained in the Equine Gestalt Coaching Method, a retired Professional Engineer and Qi Gong Instructor but mostly she is a woman passionate about horses, their wellbeing and their gift of being present. The horses help her clients to trust their true nature and lead from the heart.  Clients often report a heightened awareness of their surroundings and others while experiencing a deeper, more profound understanding of their relationships and connection to others.  Barbara lives at Wayfinding Farm, located near Ocala Florida.

Peace in Motion

Blog post contributed by Barbara B.

One of the prayers my church recites each week goes like this. “We pray to you, O Lord, for the peace of the world, that a spirit of respect and forbearance may grow among nations and peoples.” As I recited that litany last week I thought about the PyeongChang 2018 Olympic Winter Games in South Korea and how their goal and mine seemed to have a common theme. The goal of the Olympics is “to contribute to building a peaceful and better world by educating youth through sport practiced without discrimination of any kind and in the Olympic spirit, which requires mutual understanding with a spirit of friendship, solidarity and fair play.”

For me, prior to Feb. 9, such a idealistic goal seemed almost impossible. The current state of political divisions in the US is the worse I can remember during my lifetime, yet I believe we are in the best of times. Our culture, economy and social fabric has been torn into pieces with no one at the helm carefully picking up the fragile fabric and mending it back into a cohesive construct. At the local level, we seem more cohesive and intact, but at the national level, it seems so divisive. Our mission as a nation seems to me to be more about displaying strength instead of being strong, about building wealth instead of character, focusing on our differences than our similarities and concentrating on misunderstanding than understanding.

I remember a time when we discussed “politics” (and religion) around the dining room table, with friends and family. Sometimes it was difficult but we had a way of valuing each other’s principles, thoughts and beliefs. There may have been “red” and “blue” divisions, but at the end of our discussions we often were purple. How? Back in the day, I believe we believed we had more in common than not. Life was centered about caring for each other, our elderly, and protecting, educating and assuring a bright future for our children. We did not insist someone lose in order for another to win. I believe we were a stronger, more unified nation because of our differences and our willingness to listen to each other.  And now with the Winter Olympics approaching and the discussions about the ability of North and South Korea to tolerate each other or get along, I wondered what was going to happen. The media hyped their problems and concentrated on their critical differences. Even I, the optimist, began to wonder if a potential disaster would be the outcome of the Olympics.

Then the opening ceremony started with the motto of “Peace in Motion”, and there it was, a giant dove of peace as John Lennon’s “Imagine” was sung. The ancient Bell of Peace rang out in the opening ceremony. The “human spirit of perseverance” was in full display. The understanding that “Peace” was to be the prevailing thought and action in the coming days was uplifting. The young participants walked out, full of smiles and hope. Then, for the world to see, the South and North Korea athletes entered the stadium in unison, under the Korean Unification Flag. A divided country, much more divided than us, displayed professionalism, compassion, commitment to peace and harmony and courtesy to each other. I breathed a sigh of relief. Was it possible, peace had a chance on this tiny blue globe? As the games played on and people of all nations gathered to compete, they displayed amazing strength, fortitude and courage. Side by side they exhibited compassion thru exhilarating feats and defeats. I saw hugging, supporting, congratulating and empathy for the fallen. Then as incredible as that was, the Olympians continued to astonish and inspire me as the Korea national women’s ice hockey team, composed of players from both nations, stepped onto the ice. Their willingness to set aside differences allowed them to not only show their best, but be their best. All in all, true sportsmanlike conduct prevailed but more than that, a genuine civility permeated the air. Respect was fostered and peace and harmony was set to motion.

So I now have a renewed faith that by coming together with a commitment to foster humanity, civility and peace for our nation and her people, the USA can be re-united. And why not? If a small divided nation, the size of Utah, can show us how they set aside their differences for 17 days by agreeing on a common goal, commitment and clear guidelines, then there is hope we too can unite for the betterment of all. Let’s set peace in motion.

Barbara is the president of Wayfinding with Horses, Inc. trained in the Equine Gestalt Coaching Method, a retired Professional Engineer and Qi Gong Instructor but mostly she is a woman passionate about horses, their wellbeing and sharing their gift of strengthing relationships. The horses teach the clients to trust their true nature while interacting with them in the outdoor classroom.  Clients often report a heightened awareness about themselves, their surroundings and others while experienceing a deeper, more profound understanding of their relationships and connection to others.  Barbara lives at Wayfinding Farm, located near Ocala Florida.  

2018 The year of Possibilities and Promise

Blog post contributed by Barbara B.

2018 seems to be starting like so many years in the past. We are asked to change our outward appearance in order to find  happiness and joy. Already the coupons for “slim” dinners, diet pills and discounts for health spas are filling the mailboxes. If you look great on the outside, than all is well with the world, is the promise.  I don’t know about you, but these schemes have never worked for me. To me, these quick fixes are temporary, limiting and not fulfilling. How often do we work on our outside only to find it is not in alignment with our inner truth?

Early in the morning on the 1^st , I sat with pen and paper (i.e. computer) in hand, like many of you, and reviewed 2017. I did this so I can start with a fresh paper for 2018, with as little or no baggage as possible. I jotted down what I started, completed, accomplished and wished I had done.  I stepped backed and took a look. Hmmm… yes there was a lot done and a number of things left undone. But did I feel like I was in a better place? Were my finances better off? Was my spirit a testament to all I read and cherished this last year? Was my home a refuge or sanctuary? Did I care for friends and family with compassion and warmth? Was I wiser? Healthier? Happier? Were others better off by my encounter with them? Was life simpler or more complicated? Did I use my hours and days well? I had so many questions, I had to stop. To simplify, I decided to first check into my mind, body, heart, spirit and hear what my inner compass had to say. The other questions could be answered later. So for now…

I checked into my mind?

Wow I did more than I thought. I planned and completed a number of items. I visited my family, traveled to see a solar eclipse, read  listened to audio books using Libby and RB Digital Library App. I held self help clinics, I learned about my heritage and the book of Runes. I helped others understand their Charka energy. I was certified on a curriculum on how to work better with youth. I set up classes and worked with the local youth and older teens helping them find their own power. I helped women better understand themselves and their horses while improving their connection and understanding. I stepped out and taught Qigong and brought Lincoln, my poodle for visits to aid residents of extended living facilities. I felt good, but knew I could have done more, used my time more wisely and maybe be a bit more focused.

This 2018 I will feed my mind with more positive ideas so I can help it do the work I am met to do. I need a mind that is open, less judgmental and more willing to listen and observe. What does my mind need? I asked it and it said “I would like more rest, be happy with results, not flitter about so much and please feed and care for me as well as I do the horses.” It wants to be able to meet my demands without stress and maximize it’s potential so we can be healthy and happy together.

I checked into my body?

This past year I dedicated more time to practicing Qigong, Yoga, meditation and general wellness. I am very happy with the added flexibility, the cleansing I receive from deep breathing and am more aware of how my body. I can feel the difference when I kayak as my motion and limberness improves. I purchased a new bike and rode it more frequently. The horses and I played on a more regular bases and I ran with them to expand my lungs and leg strength.I really feel a difference and take note how I feel when I become lazy and eat lower octane or sugar laden diet.

This 2018 I will take even better care of my body so I can better serve others. I need it to be stronger, leaner and balanced to radiate light. OK body what do you want, I asked? It almost screamed at me. You know what I need? Just follow thru and do it! Take off the burden of weight so I can move more freely and be lighter on my feet. So I promise, I will not only listen but I will do as it needs. I will continue to be selective about the food I take in and drink 10-12 glasses plenty of water. I will strengthen my body so I can feel my muscles rejoice and not feel them complain when over exerted. I look forward to my body being well so my heart and spirit can soar. This will also help my mind to be clear. I will purchase a “fit” watch so I can monitor my progress and not guess as it. This will help me be honest with me and my body.

I checked into my heart?

I’ve had a tough year holding onto what I cherish. My family has been torn by illness and my dream of a successful business has been altered. Throughout last year,I felt love flowing through my fingers like grains of sand. I so wanted to pause so I could sculpt and shape a masterpiece of love. Something I could hold onto. I know love is never lost, it just resides in a different place and I must find that place. I think back on 2017 and remember wonderful times with my sisters, friends and of course the horses. The times I rode and saw the light flicker through the trees or kayaked down a fog laden river made my heart soar. I also saw smiles and bright eyes shining back at me while teaching which fills my heart with graditude. I have abundance in my heart along with aching.

So I asked my heart, what do you need in 2018? My heart says “I am uneasy. I am not prepared to go another year in the same frozen framework it had been pressed into. To let go is to be free. I want freedom to love and be, not be caged. When I am broke, please take the time to honor it? I may not fill up all the voids may stay with me and concentrate on the parts that are working well, my joy and wonder of it all”  OK I say. I will give more of my time and endeavors so others can experience the joy of being and living. My inner compass will take precedence even while in a fog. Soaring is how we will work on being free and finding joy.

I checked into my spirit?

This year my connection to a higher power, a God and Spirit has grown tenfold. I am honored and humbled to a part of this incredible universe. My spirit has encompassed not only this world but outer dimensions which are limitless, just as universal Love and Kindness.

So spirit what is it you want for us? “I choose to soar and be light for others”,  it responds. This 2018 I look forward to sharing the spirit of community with others and connect to the awesome power of oneness. We are all made of atoms and space and the glue of our humanist being is love and compassion. This is how Spirit and I will transform 2018, by reaching out to others and sharing love, light and wholeness.

How is your 2018 going? What does your mind, body, heart and spirit need to fully resonate with your purpose? Check into your inner compass and listen. Make this year the year of possibilities and promise.

 

 

Barbara is trained in the Equine Gestalt Coaching Method, a retired Professional Engineer and Qi Gong Instructor but mostly she is a woman passionate about horses and sharing their gift of spirit with others. Throughout her life the horses have demonstrated to her how to align her inner compass and become more aware, balanced and joyful. Wayfinding With Horses, LLC, offers women an experiential process where by choosing to move forward, heal and fully engage with life their present indeed becomes a “Gift. Barbara lives with her husband, dogs, cats, horses and cows at Wayfinding Farm, located near Ocala Florida.  For more information about EGCMethod^® coaching contact Barbara at Wayfindingwithhorses.com (WWH.biz). Wayfinding With Horses- I invite you to find the wild and wonderful within.

God is here, God is near.

God is here, God is near; posted by Barbara B. a co-writier of the Women Move it Forward Blog

This past month has been a whirlwind for me as for much of the nation. Hurricanes, fires, drought, floods and other natural disasters occurred disrupting our day to day lives. Politicians that were “mean spirited, uncaring and dispassionate” began to seem like the norm. And if I were to only read or hear the news I’d think our society was on the brink of disaster.

Yet during this stressful time, what I observed was love, care and helpfulness. Neighbors helping neighbors. Strangers giving a gallon or two of gas to another in need.  Houses opening up for the ones unable to find a roof over their head. Humanity, the basic need to get along and help each was alive and well. I can report that it is not gone. Human kindness is a condition of the heart that cannot be dictated or directed by the government.  I thank God for that.

I prepared for Irma, a category 2-4 hurricane coming to visit me in central Florida. There was no welcome mat laid out for her but if she landed on my doorstep I wanted to be ready.  I had plenty of water, set my water troughs under the barn roof so they would collect the runoff for livestock water (and bathing water),  canned beans, fruits and vegetables, snacks, dog and horse food. I filled my bathtub with a bladder for fresh water, had extra solar lights for night time luminescence, batteries and gas for the generator. Windows were covered with plywood and all material not tied down was in the garage or barn. I only wished that the worst of the storm would hit in the daylight, as I have a fear of tornados and did not want to experience them while in the dark.

The storm started up around 8:00 pm and not much later our electric was out. That is when I leaned my radio did not work, even with fresh batteries, so I was unable to receive current forecasts. For me that was the worse, not knowing what was going on or how long it was expected to last. I did know that they had predicted the eye of the storm to come over us around 5:30 in the morning and so I waited. During the hurricane, we would have brief lulls from the wind and rain. During such times, when I was able, I ran outside to check on the animals, the large oak trees near the house and the transformer pole at the roadside. During one of these lulls, I heard the tree frogs (peepers) start to croak a song. I thought I had heard them before but paid them little attention.

Wikipedia – green tree frog

As they got louder and louder, the toads, frogs and peepers all started singing a crazy chorus.  In unison with a definite rhythm and beat. As soon as they stopped the sideward rain and whipping hurricane winds would come at us full force again.  This continued throughout the night. Wind, rain, quiet and then the loud ruckus of the peepers and frogs.  At some point during the night, I said to myself, what are they saying? And in an instance I knew. “God is here, God is near”; over and over again. In that sing-song croaking baritone with one outdoing the other they shouted their message.  As the storm pressed on, branches and limbs flew by, rain pelleted the windows and I would say to myself, calming my nerves and heart, “God is here, God is near”. This is how I got through the night till dawn, counting my blessings and singing their song.

Was the hurricane difficult. Yes. Did the 12+ inches of rain make a mess? Yes. Was it unbearable, horrible, miserable? No. All I had to do was look around and see others in much worse straights than me. I’d repeat to myself “God is here, God is near” and count my blessings, one by one.  Yes I had extra work, trees down and fences to mend.  Yes, it was hot and humid. Yes there were animals to move to water and others to take in because their owners could not care for them. Yes, I had a mess, but that was all it was. And after 5 days I could drive to town for gas and go to the library to catch up on email or make phone calls. The calls I made were not to just chit-chat. They were to catch up with others and see how they were faring. What could I do to assist and how could I lend a helping hand?

 

Later, I saw hundreds of telephone and power linemen working around the clock. We brought them food and what water we had to say thank you. I learned it took 3-4 days to get down here because the roads were so crowded and many of them slept in their trucks too tired to go to a motel.  I saw neighbors helping neighbors and heard chain saws buzzing throughout the night.  When our generator went out, our neighbor brought an extra one they had to try and keep our freezer going.  That did not work but then a friend said she had a whole house generator and an empty freezer and I was more than welcome to fill it.  In the process I supplied them with plenty of meat for their family and friends that evacuated from the storm.

I was without electricity for 6 days. I was without phone service and internet for over two weeks. Yet the day after the hurricane, as I was picking up branches, there on a fence post was a pecan that had recently been shucked and eaten by a squirrel. Was this another sign to me? Was nature saying, get on with life, count your blessings and aren’t we lucky to do so? Yes, I said as I bowed my head to mother nature in all her wisdom.

I learned that talking to, sharing what you have and helping each other is the best way to get through a storm. I suspect it is the best way to get through any mess that life throws you. Oh, and don’t forget to count your blessings and listen for the song of the wild, God is here, God is near.

Barbara is a Equine Gestalt Coaching Method practitioner,  a retired Professional Engineer and Qi Gong Instructor as well as owner/operator of Wayfinding With Horses, LLC, (WWH.biz). But mostly she is a woman who loves and listens to nature and her horses and shares their wisdom with others. She offers clients the opportunity to find and align their inner compass through an experiential process where they choose to move forward, heal and fully engage with life. Barbara works at Wayfinding Farm, located near Ocala Florida. 

 

Aging Woman

Aging Women posted by Barbara B. a co-writier of the Women Move it Forward Blog

I am an aging woman

Old enough to hear wisdom’s voice

Young of heart but not mind or body

Seen by some, invisible to many

Smiling, caring, with spirit strong

 

I am an aging woman

Time stacked up on a shelf

My cover tattered and stained

Bindings stiff and some broken

Holding words and visions that ring true

 

I am an aging woman

With apron strings long untied

Yearning for love’s lost, a secret touch

And for frayed family ties to be restrung

Walking alone amongst family and strangers
 

I am an aging woman

I tend to my garden of love

Yielding silver and golden moments to share 

Entrusting and giving to those in need,

A lift to an ailing spirit or hope to a tattered heart

 

I am an aging woman

Hope wells up eternal

From the depths of ancient roots

Joy springs forth from the simplest of gestures

The presence is my present, the gift of now

 

     As I become chronological older the outer things, the items that consumed my time, heart and money seem less important. I still buy new clothes or go to the movies but I often find the “going” does not give me as much self-satisfaction as the “doing”. Just as my old shirt calls to be worn more than something new, not because of it’s style but because of where we have been together, what we have shared and how it knows me so well.

     I find myself going back to books with words written that nurture my spirit and soul. Wallowing in and observing the recurring tale of human tragedy does not bring me delight. The caring for and reaching out to others in the here and now is what I am learning as important. Finding abundance in the present, and working at perfecting the “Wow in Now” is my challenge. It is a treasure-trove we all have received, perfect in so many ways.

The more I observe, savor, and give thanks for, the more beauty, serenity and laughter fills my moments. Whether it is watching a young hummingbird drink nectar from a aloe bloom in the garden or a 10 year old scampering to gather lizards for his new “Gecko Farm”. The “giving” of my time at the library to help a youngster read or understand a algebraic equation is far more uplifting and satisfying than spending a evening on the town. Sharing with others the softness of the horse’s gaze or the feeling of their nuzzle against their cheek is priceless. Even my memory does not lapse as often when thinking of what I do for others as opposed to what I have done for myself.

Don’t get me wrong, getting older is not easy.  But neither is life and that is OK.  If I slide downhill with gravity now and then, I know getting back to some vista is well worth the effort. And once back, I realize it is simpler to observe from a plateau than be at the bottom. I’ve discovered that I do not need to scale tall, ragged mountains, more like the older, softer Appalachian Hills to find reward and a spectacular view.

So this aging process is a curious thing and a tremendous gift. With age I am allowed to become more of who I am, than who I am meant to be and so I thank the Lord of age and wisdom for being an aging woman. 

Barbara is trained in the Equine Gestalt Coaching Method, a retired Professional Engineer and Qi Gong Instructor but mostly a woman who loves and listens to horses. Throughout her life the horses have helped her align with her inner compass for awareness, balance and clarity. Wayfinding With Horses, LLC, offers an experiential process where you can choose to move forward, heal and fully engage with life and Find the Wow in Now. Barbara lives with her husband, dogs, cats, horses and cows at Wayfinding Farm, located near Ocala Florida.  For more information about EGCMethod^® coaching contact Barbara at Wayfindingwithhorses.com (WWH.biz).

To “Like” or “Un-like”

Sometimes I feel like I am surrounded by a narrow-minded, non-caring society. Who said what to whom, who bullied whom, who likes someone or something, who their friend (or not) or how they were wronged seems to be the general everyday tone.  What they “like” or “don’t like” appears to be all that counts, and quite honestly I don’t understand it.  I am fortunate to remember a more civil time when our focus was caring for each other instead of tearing each other down. We were curious about what others thought, felt, believed and respected each other’s differences. But now I see more attention focused on each other’s personal preferences then in sharing or creating conversation which encourages learning and growth. 

When did we quit fully listening to one another and start to base our decisions on single dimensions such as “like ” or “unlike”? Why do our personal beliefs need to be commented on or worse approved of? How do we expand our minds when we limit our input of information or data based on single word or line? What happened to face to face conversation and communication, where we sought out to understand the other person, “walked in their shoes”, expressed more than symbols in response to their concerns but really dug deep to help and fully understand them? I believe a key component to communication is being open, available, a good listener and to ask questions, encourage, support and really being there for someone. This takes more than a minute of our time it is a gift we give when we truly care about another. Webster says “communication is an act or instance of transmitting information; a process by which information is exchanged between individuals through a common system of symbols, sign or behavior”. Webster says nothing about the need for us to agree or “like” the information in order for communication to occur.

 I think back to a time when my children were young. When they started eating solid food, I fed them a wide variety.  It wasn’t long till they started telling me what they liked or disliked. Over time, as they tried new things, their taste expanded.  I wonder what would have happened if at the age of two or three I fed them only carrots, because that is what they “liked”?  In order to grow and learn they needed to eat a variety of foods.  Just like I believe what out society needs to do, i.e expand their information palette in order to communicate and learn from each other. 

Wouldn’t it be nice to start having conversations, face to face, where we truly can watch our friend, sister or child open up and find their truth and listen fully. I know that internet and cell phones are important for certain types of messaging and connecting. But to communicate, where it is meaningful and insightful, we must make a effort to reach out and really get to know each other multidimensionaly, with openness and no judgment or hate, especially when we don’t agree with one another.  Learn to expand our communication and connection. Watch how their eyes dance or become sad, how their body moves or their voice become expressive. This gives us deeper insight and ability to learn the truer meaning of their words. Explore how to discuss subjects such as politics, religion, social problems, etc. without creating hostility.  Learning from another is always enlightening, and we in turn become able to form more insightful opinions thru such a discussion. We need to once again speak from our hearts, not be afraid to voice our opinions, listen intently, respect our differences, take the time to express ourselves and say more than yes or no; “like” or “dislike”, embrace our similarities and constructively communicate to re-build a more open, just and caring society.  

 Barbara is a practitioner trained in the Equine Gestalt Coaching Method so she can help women explore, discover and find the possible. She is a retired professional engineer and follows her inner compass to maintain balance and well-being. She lives with her husband, dogs, cats, horses and cows at Wayfinding Farm, located near Ocala Florida. Wayfinding with Horses, LLC is a coaching service developed to help women achieve somatic and sensory connection with their innate potential. For more information about EGCMethod^® coaching and finding well-being contact Barbara at Wayfindingwithhorses.com (WWH.biz).

Heartfull Intention

The other day I had an incredible ride out near Orange Lake. My girlfriend and I were trotting along, experiencing the sights, sounds and beautiful vistas of winding dusty trails set between long leaf pines, views of sparkling water and sweeping boughs of moss floating off the branches of the live oak trees. The birds, squirrels, hawks, turkeys and occasional snake were also venturing out, tasting spring’s promise. It was magical and definitely full of  surprises.

Joan and I talked about how life sometimes seems to go so smoothly and then takes a turn for the worse and we often don’t know why. At times we take life’s ups and down with grace but other times it is fraught with anxiety. We give and share but it doesn’t always work out like we hoped. With age, we agreed, we’ve become better at recognizing what is important, how not to be attached to outcomes and more often than not navigate troubled waters. Yet, we can still be surprised at the unanticipated outcome.

The gift we receive when giving, receiving or sharing with no expected outcome, is magical. Just like my ride.  It is a “gift” that fills our life and creates happiness. The “gift” verses the “act” of sharing, giving and receiving works best when there are no strings attached. When we allow “surprise” to become an active part of our life and no longer feel the need to try to control the outcome. We feel buoyant as joy bubbles up.

I believe that when a gift or present is given fully with no expectation as to the outcome, the response the receiver gives is always correct. How or why we provide nurturing, teaching, loving, caring, cherishing or helping others influences the marginal, mediocre, average, good or fantastic outcome.  I wonder; does the the act of giving with expectations tarnish or affect the outcome?  

I thought about this all the way home after my ride. When I ventured out that morning for the trail ride, my only “goal or present”, share friendship, enjoy Mother Nature and spend some time with my horse. I did not intend to judge, instruct nor be attached to any particular outcome.  My experience was to be as it was to be. It was to be right, even if the mosquitoes were worse than anticipated, the weather a bit too warm or my horse more anxious that I expected due to all the activity in the woods. And yes, as it turns out, I had an amazing morning.

By freely sharing time, helping or reaching out to one another (animal or human) from the heart a deep sense of connection, calmness, healing, love surrounds us. And what happens when we “give, share or accept” with a hidden, not a heartfull , agenda?  What ensues when we give “freely” yet harbor an expected outcome? Have you ever given your child or friend a special treasure from your past, only to be disappointed that they did not cherish it as you expected (now I’m not talking about “good manners, politeness, etc.)? The act of giving may have been sincere, but the belief deep down that you should have received a reciprocal gift, such as the gift of gratitude or thankfulness, often leaves a bad taste. Did you become disappointed or resentful because you did not get what you wanted from the “act” of giving and did this in turn then tarnish the initial present?

The process of sharing, giving or accepting a gift from someone does not have to be difficult or create unhappiness when it comes from the heart with no strings attached. The horses teach me this. They share their gift of love and beauty with no expectations. Just like when I am grooming them or massaging their backs. When I offer thru love, yes I’d like to improve their coat or stiff muscles, but a tallied end result is not necessary. It is the process of giving love that I want them to feel and be part of. When I remove my expectations, I have no tension or pressure in my hands or heart. I work on them from the heart of giving. I am not attached to the fact that they will look, feel or be better when I am completed. Although I am pleased and often surprised when they are. I accept their honest feedback. Either way I know I did my best, gave them my love and somehow they know this. Removing burdens or expectations during the process of giving, receiving and sharing seems to create a deeper bond, trust and connection. That is my reward, if one has to name it, but again I do not expect it. My gift is pure, so is theirs.

Try out this little method.

1. When you give, share or accept an invitation, do it with a full heart from a heartfull place.
   1. Check in with yourself.
      1. Did you give or accept the gift graciously but secretly attach a “what’s in it for me”?
      2. Did you not tell the recipient of the their obligation or hidden payment?
         1. The tell-tell secret is this, if after your acceptance, shared experience or intent is complete; do you feel
            1. resentment
            2. disappointment
            3. envious
            4. bitterness
            5. sadness
            6. frustration

                  If yes to any of the above feelings, re-check into your heart. Discover the real reason or intent that you gave, shared accepted an invitation. Don’t be surprised because, quite honestly, sometimes we ourselves don’t even recognize that we have a hidden agenda or secrete expectations. It may be a habit or something we learned, but it can be unlearned. Start over, check in with your heart and it’s fullness.

1. Try again and this time ask if your are fully accepting, sharing or giving from your heart.
   1. Make this a habit. Check into your heart. Identity and verify your real intent. Is it with pure “love” (compassion, care, help, succor, support, etc.) for another?
      1. How will you know?
      2. You’ll feel
         1. happy,
         2. fulfilled
         3. satisfied
         4. content
         5. pleased

Your normal delightful and wonderful life will again unfold. Stress, concern and control will no longer be an outcome and the magic from your heartfull intention will happen.

 Barbara is a certified EGCM®life coach. She, along with her husband, dogs, cats, horses and cows, live at Wayfinding Farm, located near Ocala Florida. Wayfinding with Horses, LLC is a coaching service designed to help you achieve personal growth and development. Using the Equine Gestalt Coaching Method (EGCM®), Barbara supports you as you explore, discover and connect to the possible. For more information go to WWH.biz or Wayfindingwithhorses.com Call/text Barbara at 352-804-4224.