Devolution

Our lives are full of transitions and ever-changing.  People move in and out of our lives.  Jobs change and shift.  Our health changes.  Here in Wyoming our weather changes ubruptly within hours and minutes.

Some changes are minor and we move through them quickly with barely a ripple.  We may not even take note of them.  Others are momentous, ugly, devastating. Others are momentous and joyous.

Some people handle change with ease,  others do not.  Whether it’s their temperament, their astrological sign or the baggage they carry,  the “why” isn’t important.  A self awareness surrounding how change affects you is what is truly important. It’s important for you to share that awareness with others as well.

Recently,  my husband and I were having a lovely lunch and he mentioned that he was actually looking forward to riding and doing horse stuff with me.  That statement was quickly followed by an awareness and statement that he was “devolving”. I wasn’t even sure that was word. It is, I looked it up, however, he didn’t really use it correctly.  I got his meaning regardless. We had a good laugh about it and a wonderful discussion ensued. I argued that he wasn’t “devolving”  but rather “evolving “. He was moving away from barbaric,  cave man grunting activities such as MMA and grappling towards much more refined equestrian activities. This discussion was quite animated as we bantered back and forth.  I’m sure the other patron enjoyed our interaction.

But truly our relationship is evolving.  All of our children are married and out of the house. We are shifting roles,  finding balance and sometimes just trying to figure it out one moment at a time. Communication has been key.  Laughter is necessary and healing.

Some folks might think devolution is a negative thing but in this case I welcome my hubby’s devolution.  I look forward to riding off into the sunset with my ever “devolving” husband!

Happy Trails!

Michelle

Where the Wild Things Grow

It’s finally warming up here in Wyoming! The plants and trees are budding out and growing. We bought our property in July 2011 and there is constant work to beautify and upgrade.  It was a blank canvas without any landscaping when we bought it.  The previous owners’ idea of landscaping consisted of pouring gravel and rock to the edge of every building.  The first couple of years were spent picking up trash and debris and raking gravel away from the buildings.  I finally found bare ground!  Eventually, I bought a few plants to plant in front of the house.  That’s when I entered into a battle with Wyoming winters and 6800 feet elevation.

Thus far,  I’ve been fairly successful.  The Columbines, Yarrow, Sages, and Wild Rose have all flourished.  I even had a mystery plant show up last fall!  I’m fairly certain it’s Cinquefoil but I have no idea where it came from! Other plants, such as, the domesticated rose, lavendar, and rosemary have not survived.  Other plants have become tasty treats for the local antelope herd.  I’ve learned not to count things out too early as some plants are slower to emerge each year.

Last year I completed my spiral garden. That was a challenging project!  I’m overjoyed with the plants that have come back and am excited to watch them grow.  As my garden has grown more of Nature’s little creatures have come to visit.  As I look back at pictures tracking my progression, I am amazed.  That amazement and joy has transformed into a reflection of how my landscaping projects could mirror my business.

Melisa Pearce, founder and creator of the Equine Gestalt Coaching Method and my mentor has often referred to her business as a crafting project.  I have tried to apply that thought process many times over but it just wasn’t a fit. However, if I equate it to my landscaping projects it is a perfect fit!

I began with nothing,  a blank canvas. Like my growing season, my coaching sessions with my horses is limited to about half the year.  Each year I groom the land,  preparing space to hold my sessions and events.  I plan workshops and events. Thus far, I’ve not found the right ones that flourish.  Some have perished like the domesticated rose.  Others are slow growing but keep coming back. I have several ideas in the works for this year and just like finding the right plants for this environment, I need to find the right “feel” or themes for Wyoming.  As I reflect on my garden and the plants that have flourished here an awareness that the “wild” ones have done better.  Maybe, I’ve been holding on too tight to creating that perfectly cultivated workshop and event?  Maybe I should let it be a little wild, thorny and free?

Maybe I need to come from a place of Where the Wild Things Grow and let the ideas flow.

Michelle Sidun

 

Well, DUH, Moments

Most everyone has those “AHA” moments where the light bulb goes on and one gains a new shift in awareness. Lately, I have been having “well, DUH, moments.”  The kind of moments where you already know something, but do not necessarily practice what you preach.  The DUH, healer heal thyself moments.  The kind where you literally slap yourself in the noggin and say” DUH, really, how did I miss that?” moments.

I have been taking an animal communication course with Ashara Morris of Harmony Hearts Coaching. PLUG- her independent study course Best Life EVER with Your Pet has nearly caused me a concussion from the DUH slaps on my noggin! Her perspective was she did not know what she could teach ME.  My perspective was that I wanted to have a two way conversation with animals.  I knew I had blocks and I often rely on other communicators for help.  Especially when trying to communicate with those of my own fur friends (emotional attachment).  Candy, our most recent last chance rescue horse, is my catalyst.  Her forerunners were however household pets who have annoying habits.  Reaching Candy was a challenge.  She was a puzzle, and it was heartbreaking to know her intense pain was caused by human force. The annoyances are Lula the cat who treats me with absolute disdain and is nearly anorexic in her finicky-ness, and a pound hound with separation anxiety and several gross habits.  I have become so disgusted with Mariah’s problems that her positive attributes became diminished.  Both Lula and Mariah were consigned to my husband as HIS, because I couldn’t deal with them.  They were causing me anxiety.  Tom has a knack of loving them anyway, faults included.  Tom has been Lula’s chosen one all along.  I am her slave.  I am only fit to clean her litter box.

So far I have been through a third of the course, but Holy Guacamole! I have taken the tips and put them into practice.

Conversation with Lula the cat- “Lula, you are aging and in your teens. The longer you go without eating the more damage you do to your aging kidneys.  If you don’t eat, we are going to have to visit the Vet.  Are you sick, do you need to go to the Vet?  If I didn’t care, I wouldn’t go through everything I do to get you to eat. I am so frustrated because I have tried everything and nothing works.”  Lula’s response (her perspective), “No Vet.”  A shift did occur though. As long as I make her small meals at least 5 times a day and stand there with her, she eats.  I also tell her what a good kitty she is.  She has become extremely affectionate, purrs and follows me around and lies on my lap.  I can actually pet her! My energy had been telling her that I was frustrated so she avoided me at all costs. It came out as frustration, but underneath I really do care.  It is concern for her well-being.  I was finally able to shift frustration, help her understand my concern and care and create a connection. She now understands I care.  My husband claims “she now loves you more than me.”  She has improved so much that the trip to the Vet is postponed.  DUH!

I have really had to step out of what I had hoped for (my agenda) and the vision I held and deal with what is. All of my fur friends are rescues with special needs.  My greatest passion is offering healing.  My greatest pain is not being able to see that accomplished to the fullest extent (my perspective, not theirs).

My conversation with Mariah was humbling. She firmly said NO to several of my requests, even though she was aware with how disgusted I am with some of her anxious habits.  We have been able to reach some compromises however.  What became clear to me is that she may take a lifetime to heal the damages from her past.  Do I not also continue to work on my annoying habits and deal with past trauma on a daily basis?  Am I not loved anyway?  DUH!  The path of love is so much more open between us now.  Mariah actually walked into her crate on her own for the first time.  She has to be crated due to separation anxiety.  She creates horrible messes in the house when we are not here.  When I explained why she is crated, for her safety and security not for punishment, she seems more accepting.  She doesn’t like it.  We have compromised so that she can stay in a secure yard when the weather is nice. We have tried numerous things to make life better for Mariah, including adopting a companion dog to keep her company and visits to the Vet.  We are considering anxiety meds and stomach meds to see if that alleviates anxious habits.  Most of the time she seems happy.

My coaching partner and I have been doing self- care retreats and a support group for Care-Givers. The messages about self- care are according to horses, so it is somewhat humorous.  Of course it is the horses in the ECG Method that are truly the expert coaches!  These retreats and groups have been so powerful.  I am so deeply touched and rocked to my core by the sacrifices and services of Care-Givers.  I am blown away by how deeply meaningful this information being presented so simply really is.  Practicing self- care is an enormous task when ones time, energy and effort are depleted.  Healers do not have time to heal themselves.  It is rare they put themselves first.

It took last chance Candy (latest rescue horse) and doing all we could do to ease her physical, mental, emotional and yes, spiritual suffering to finally drive this home to me. Yes- I knew it, but did I practice self-care for me?  Nope.  Her life has completely turned around in six months.  We have done what we could do to ease her suffering.  We invested a great deal of finances.  So much that I kept postponing my medical care and other expenses.  That is how much she moved me. Her quality of life has improved so much.  She is comfortable and happy, no longer defensive, trying to bite and kick, her eyes wild with suffering.  People insist she is not the same horse.  She has become my teacher and my confidant.  She looked at me straight in the face one day and I heard her say- it’s your turn now Mom.  Your suffering can be eased.  Your quality of life can improve.  “See- look at me”.  We have been negotiating priorities for months to meet the special needs of our rescues and clients served.  I am tempted to start a GO FUND ME page on Facebook.  Some days I am overwhelmed, but I believe all will work out in the end.

Just as I slapped myself in the forehead again, DUH, that I could prioritize and negotiate my own medical care, and began to take action we were hit with more news. One horse needed a cancerous growth surgically removed. Then even more serious news.  Our cute little paint mare Eclipse has had problems for the year that we have had her. She has very messy, abnormal, prolonged heat cycles. In the conversation with her, from her perspective, she just loves Spirit and wants to have his baby.  I explained he is a gelding and can’t make babies.  Her response was she wants his baby anyway. She actually hid her left ovary from the Vet during the ultrasound! The ultrasound showed an ovarian tumor, as suspected, once the Vet finally located it.  The surgery for removal will cost thousands.  Friends and professionals are rallying around us.  We will postpone home improvements planned for this year. I doubt the surgery will dampen her desire to have Spirit’s baby.  That is her horsey agenda. We have to deal with the reality of what is.  Much like her what I hope and envision (my agenda) is not quite possible.  There is always compromise, changing perspective and a higher outcome.  Her health will improve, and either way, unfortunately she can’t have Spirit’s baby.  In time love will take the place of what can happen, not the disappointment of what can’t happen.

Guess what, even in all this- I found a way to practice self- care. I took action. My medical care has begun.  It is being prioritized and negotiated- just as I do for everyone else.  It is a great relief to improve my quality of life, even though I am facing possible painful surgery in the future. Calm has settled over me that it will all work out. I am also encouraged by several clients who are taking action in practicing self-care for themselves. Another one of those “Well, DUH, Moments!”

 

To “Like” or “Un-like”

Sometimes I feel like I am surrounded by a narrow-minded, non-caring society. Who said what to whom, who bullied whom, who likes someone or something, who their friend (or not) or how they were wronged seems to be the general everyday tone.  What they “like” or “don’t like” appears to be all that counts, and quite honestly I don’t understand it.  I am fortunate to remember a more civil time when our focus was caring for each other instead of tearing each other down. We were curious about what others thought, felt, believed and respected each other’s differences. But now I see more attention focused on each other’s personal preferences then in sharing or creating conversation which encourages learning and growth. 

When did we quit fully listening to one another and start to base our decisions on single dimensions such as “like ” or “unlike”? Why do our personal beliefs need to be commented on or worse approved of? How do we expand our minds when we limit our input of information or data based on single word or line? What happened to face to face conversation and communication, where we sought out to understand the other person, “walked in their shoes”, expressed more than symbols in response to their concerns but really dug deep to help and fully understand them? I believe a key component to communication is being open, available, a good listener and to ask questions, encourage, support and really being there for someone. This takes more than a minute of our time it is a gift we give when we truly care about another. Webster says “communication is an act or instance of transmitting information; a process by which information is exchanged between individuals through a common system of symbols, sign or behavior”. Webster says nothing about the need for us to agree or “like” the information in order for communication to occur.

 I think back to a time when my children were young. When they started eating solid food, I fed them a wide variety.  It wasn’t long till they started telling me what they liked or disliked. Over time, as they tried new things, their taste expanded.  I wonder what would have happened if at the age of two or three I fed them only carrots, because that is what they “liked”?  In order to grow and learn they needed to eat a variety of foods.  Just like I believe what out society needs to do, i.e expand their information palette in order to communicate and learn from each other. 

Wouldn’t it be nice to start having conversations, face to face, where we truly can watch our friend, sister or child open up and find their truth and listen fully. I know that internet and cell phones are important for certain types of messaging and connecting. But to communicate, where it is meaningful and insightful, we must make a effort to reach out and really get to know each other multidimensionaly, with openness and no judgment or hate, especially when we don’t agree with one another.  Learn to expand our communication and connection. Watch how their eyes dance or become sad, how their body moves or their voice become expressive. This gives us deeper insight and ability to learn the truer meaning of their words. Explore how to discuss subjects such as politics, religion, social problems, etc. without creating hostility.  Learning from another is always enlightening, and we in turn become able to form more insightful opinions thru such a discussion. We need to once again speak from our hearts, not be afraid to voice our opinions, listen intently, respect our differences, take the time to express ourselves and say more than yes or no; “like” or “dislike”, embrace our similarities and constructively communicate to re-build a more open, just and caring society.  

 Barbara is a practitioner trained in the Equine Gestalt Coaching Method so she can help women explore, discover and find the possible. She is a retired professional engineer and follows her inner compass to maintain balance and well-being. She lives with her husband, dogs, cats, horses and cows at Wayfinding Farm, located near Ocala Florida. Wayfinding with Horses, LLC is a coaching service developed to help women achieve somatic and sensory connection with their innate potential. For more information about EGCMethod^® coaching and finding well-being contact Barbara at Wayfindingwithhorses.com (WWH.biz).

Candor With Kindness

I had a difficult summer. The company I worked for since 2003 closed down without notice (or severance pay). A week later, the horse that had been my partner in the show ring, EGC coaching and my own journey through advanced stage cancer required me to step up and release him from the frail body that could no longer contain his massive spirit. I needed to find a new way to show up in the world, without the security blanket of a job that didn’t suit me, and without the quiet presence that had been a major source of my comfort (and frustration) for 22 years.

I thought cancer diagnosis and treatment had taught me resilience. It turned out I had more lessons to learn. I am beginning to accept that the classroom never closes. I have struggled to find out where I belong. I have done lots of research, laid lots of “track”, and yet nothing seemed to be gelling into something that would work for me and allow me to make the difference in the world I intend to.

I woke up in the middle of the night a couple of weeks ago with the concept I’m now putting together as keynotes, workshops and seminar series. “Candor With Kindness” is the concept that I will be teaching. These days, it seems that the balance between honesty and empathy is often strained. I knew the title, and I knew what “candor” stood for.

The CAN goes together, of course. Caring, Acceptance and Nurturance. Acceptance is beyond tolerance – it is welcoming the other.

The D is for dedication. Dedication both to one another and to identifiable, shared goals.

The O is for observation and objectivity – developing the ability to lift ourselves out of the emotion and witness what is happening.

The R is for respect. This is the foundation, the fundamental requirement on which everything rests. The respect must be mutual, and comprehensive. Respect for oneself, and for others.

The development of these programs is nearing completion. I am passionate about getting the message out. I am teaching that which I am most eager to learn. I feel divinely guided in sharing these concepts. Things feel like they’re coming together. And I’m feeling much better, thank you!!