An Attitude of Gratitude

I was listening to a podcast with Brene Brown the other day and was struck by what she shared from her interviews with people who’ve suffered grief from terrible losses, such as the loss of a child. Brene shared that we often feel that when we’re sitting across from someone who has lost a child, we hesitate to speak of the joys our children bring us, because we don’t want to make them feel worse. But when we do this, what we’re actually communicating is that we don’t want to share about our own joys, because we don’t want to hear about, or aren’t prepared to hold space for, their pain. What people who’ve suffered tremendous loss actually want to hear is that we’re grateful for the joys in our lives. That we cherish our good fortune, because we truly understand that we are blessed and that not everyone is fortunate in the way that we are.

I have been a fortunate person all of my life. I also have suffered losses. But I think the greatest loss of all has been a loss of perspective. A loss of perspective that came from a loss of belief in myself and belief in a loving, guiding Spirit.

We all experience loss. It’s part of being alive. But we have a choice in the story we tell ourselves about that loss. We have a choice in the way we go about making meaning out of grief—whether we are grieving a departed love one, the end of a relationship, career, or way of life.

In the course of the past decade our so, I have chosen to follow my heart and walk away from a promising career as a scientist and an engagement. I have courageously ventured into the unknown world of business, coaching, healing arts, and teaching as a single thirty-something woman.

And though I have made these choices freely and boldly, I have been like a house divided, my mind following my heart grudgingly and shouting warnings that at times, drowned out the voice of my heart.

My mind has told me a story that my meandering path is a path that makes me less than others, peers who have achieved more in their young lives. She has told me that I have not fully realized my potential because Spirit holds me as less than worthy. And I have, at times, believed her.

Believing her stories of victim hood has been a handicap to my own happiness. And it has created a loss of perspective that has dishonored my incredible good fortune. She has hijacked my gratitude.

I’ve come to realize that my life is, truly, perfect exactly as it is. I’m supported in all the ways I need support. My responsibilities and commitments match my desires and capacities. My struggles propel my growth. My growth paves the way for my destiny.

My attitude of gratitude anchors me in the joy of my present moment. My fearful mind can take a backseat to my heart. The trees and the flowers, the leaves and the cactus, the animals and the stars can sing to me their song of love and I can feel the pulse of life in me that resonates with them and with all that is.  I am free to be grateful.

~ Emily Glidden

This will be my last post as a contributing member of the Women Move it Forward blog.  I have loved my time as a member of this group–our connection, the forum to explore myself as a writer and the opportunity to interact with readers.  Thank you to all the writers and readers.  May you all continue to move forward, staying true to yourselves and allowing your unfolding evolution.

You can have anything you want, you just have to know how to want…

Photo by Miguel Á. Padriñán on Pexels.com

Written by Carroll a member of Women Move it Forward Blog.

I have lead a blessed life!

Every-thing I have truly wanted, I have received.

I told my son his entire life “you can have anything you want, you just need to know how to want.” I tried to explain the how, but that was very difficult. It was such a deep part of me I could not see what all I was doing or being.

There was one area I could not get what I wanted – my attitude about myself. I had no idea how to find my value without achievement or how to keep a healthy weight. I could lose weight if I had a goal. I always seamed to create a protective layer around me.

I have come across Dr Joe Dispenza.

Game Changer!!!!

He gives the how. He uses science to explain what the body is doing. He said our bodies are our subconscious minds. He has data to show people healing everything from stage 4 cancer, Parkinson’s, MS, spinal trauma, and so many other things.

How?

Meditation and breath.

I have been working on me. I have been doing the meditations for almost a month. For 40 years I have had hay fever and sometimes even after taking allergy medications, my throat would close almost all the way and I would have to lie down gasping for air. Now I can go feed hay without medication and I only sneeze a few times. During one mediation my knee felt like it grew twice the size even though it looked the same. Right after the meditation it went back to normal feeling and a childhood injury was healed. No more over extending when I walk.

I listened to testimonials and people talked about healing, abundance of wealth, and divine experiences coming to them. Can you imagine the amount of energy a 1000 people can create in a room in a week? I will be one of them as soon as the Universe organizes it. They are my tribe.

Are you searching for something? I recommend looking into his books, meditations, interviews. and testimonials… they can change your life!

Here is a link to Dr Joe Dispenza and his message in an interview on Impact Theory.

Testimonial from Lorna she had a minor stroke and lost 25% of her vision in one eye. she could not drive or work. She speaks of her healing.

This is a short view of his December 2018 week long advanced retreat.

This is his webpage.

Mind over matter!

To Wonder or Wander

The word Wonder choose me at my annual 2018 Winter Solstice party.  As we all gathered in the darkness we let go of past hurts, judgements, expectations, fears and disappointments. Then I selected a candle, lit it and read the phrase underneath. “This winter Solstice let your Wonder expand with the lengthening of light.” Funny I thought, how can I  wonder this coming year with all that it promised. I was afraid of 2019 and what it might bring.  How can ‘wonder”, a simple word that evokes lightness, breathlessness, amazement and even joy be my word for 2019?  Was mother time a practical joker? Could Spirit, I wonder be a trickster?

I looked at the word “wonder” and thought maybe it meant wander. That would be more appropriate.  I did not want 2019 to start. Somehow I wished it would just forget to arrive. I knew 2019 was to be a year of long lost looks, treasured smiles that may not come again and watching my love change. Normally I am a very upbeat, positive and joyous individual and wonder of the world around me was normal. But not at this moment in my life. I could easily wander but surely not experience wonder. How could one little “o”  be substituted with an “a” and change everything?

You see during the last quarter of 2018 my husband was diagnosed with liver cancer.  With his diagnosis the road or journey I was on took a swift detour. As I started grasping the meaning of his diagnosis I felt like I was wandering in a dense forest with no clear path in sight.  We were told his condition was not good, and he would be given palliative care than a treatment for a cure. Our world quickly narrowed, blinders installed and our life centered around countless doctor appointments, specialist meetings, insurance approvals, reviewing different treatment options, waiting for treatment approval and then treatment. At times I felt like I had gone right over a guard rail and then was so very slowly falling off a cliff as time started going backwards.

I do wonder how one, out of many doctor appointments could change everything.  In a split moment, a micro dot of time, all did not appear as it seems.  My world, our world became not sure, not predictable and to be honest quite upside down. A place to wander about in, yes, but to wonder at, no I don’t think so.

How am I to be in Wonder through this time that is propelling me towards a complete unchartered course?  We both have become a statistic (does that sound crass). I have become a caretaker, nurse, possibility creator director, administrator and manager. He has been given the role of patient (funny word when you think of it, waiting and waiting for what?).  The last 4 months we have been spent hours in drab doctor offices, consultations, waiting rooms, procedures, long night web and media searches. We have cried, embraced and held hands through the long dark night. We have become the center of something I can’t define or defend. I am wandering for sure.

I know I am going through the stages of grief. Grief for the life we knew and had together. I am ashamed to say that at the doctors office, I was actually relieved to finally understand what was wrong. For so long he had not been doing well. Later I panicked and became determined to find out everything I could do to save him. Then I became  angry/bewildered stage (although that won’t last I’m sure). But now more often than not, I feel ashamed and selfish, after all this is his illness and this time is not about me.

Now as the days and months pass I feel a sort of peace settling around us. Is that wrong? I’m beginning to understand that whatever happens really is to be.  I can’t change the ending only the present. For me love now has a new special “present sweetness”. I cherish the smallest of moments. I feel the cocoon of time wrapping us up together . No that’s not quite true, I feel the cocoon of time wrapping me up so I can experience the sweet moment of a look or laugh. In my dreams and the whee morning I feel the spirts slip surround us. They pull silken strings in all colors around our home and heart, creating a type of nest where we can rest and be safe. Then as the business of daylight arrives, I experience sadness, anger, loneliness, isolation, fear, grief, openness and frustration.  And the worst part is that I really don’t know what he is feeling.  He is a silent, gentle, private man and one of few words.

So to go from wandering and just floating in the abyss to “Wondering”  will take me time. Gosh even Jesus wandered in the desert until clarity, peace and vision came upon him, so I guess I’m in good company. For me, I ask for unlimited gentleness, strength, focus and energy because to curl up in a blanket and pretend the world goes away would be easier. I have been wandering for too long in fear.

To wonder will require me to pause and take in the scent of each moment. I notice the daylight is lengthening. I have been told by spirit to increase my Wonder of life, love and joy. I must change my A’s to more O’s and allow the wonder of the day into my heart and mind. If grief overcomes me again (as I know it will), I hope to not shrink from it but wonder at the wonder and depth of my emotions. Wonder will bring light not only to me but to those I care most about. Isn’t that a wonder.

Barbara is the owner and president of Wayfinding with Horses, Inc.  She is a  certified practitioner of the Equine Gestalt Coaching Method, a retired Professional Engineer and Qi Gong Instructor. As a coach she supports her client’s inner compass and she is a woman passionate about horses and their wellbeing. Clients often report a heightened sense of awareness of their surroundings, others experience a deeper, more profound understanding of their relationships, connection and personal journey.  Barbara lives at Wayfinding Farm, located near Ocala Florida.