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Category Archives: Self-Care

So long, farewell…

14 Tuesday May 2019

Posted by Hoofprints To The Soul in Personal Growth, Relationships, Self-Care, Transitions

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Photo courtesy makeaname.org

Written by Carroll a member of women move it forward blog

I would like to start by saying this blog has been so healing for me. The reason I became part of it was to work through my fear of writing. Most people have a fear of speaking in front of others I had no problem with that, but any essay questions on a test or any paper I was required to write would put me into a sweat.

So here we are years later and I have overcome that through this form. I give thanks upon thanks to all of my co-authors as well as anyone who read a post. And oddly enough this is the 50th year after the movie the sound of music. And as our group discussed the fact that we had all grown and we are all moving forward and that this blog will remain available for viewing and in case any of us wants to contribute an inspired post, I intuitively had the song from the sound of music playing in my head…

There’s a sad sort of clanging
From the clock in the hall
And the bells in the steeple, too
And up in the nursery
An absurd little bird
Is popping out to say coo-coo
(Coo-coo, coo-coo)
coo-coo Regretfully they tell us
coo-coo But firmly they compel us
coo-coo To say goodbye

To you

So long, farewell
Auf wiedersehen, goodnight
I hate to go and leave this pretty sight

So long, farewell
auf Wiedersehen, adieu

Adieu, adieu
To you and you and you

So long, farewell
Au revoir, auf Wiedersehen

I’d like to stay
And taste my first champagne
yes?

no!

So long, farewell
auf Wiedersehen, goodbye

I leave and heave
A sigh and say goodbye
Goodbye….

I’m glad to go
I cannot tell a lie

I flit, I float
I fleetly flee, I fly

The sun has gone
To bed and so must I

So long, farewell
auf Wiedersehen, goodbye

Goodbye
Goodbye
Goodbye

Goodbye

Read more:  Sound Of Music – So Long, Farewell Lyrics |

Thank you!

An Attitude of Gratitude

06 Monday May 2019

Posted by The Feeling Rider - Emily Glidden in Grief, Personal Growth, Self-Care

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I was listening to a podcast with Brene Brown the other day and was struck by what she shared from her interviews with people who’ve suffered grief from terrible losses, such as the loss of a child. Brene shared that we often feel that when we’re sitting across from someone who has lost a child, we hesitate to speak of the joys our children bring us, because we don’t want to make them feel worse. But when we do this, what we’re actually communicating is that we don’t want to share about our own joys, because we don’t want to hear about, or aren’t prepared to hold space for, their pain. What people who’ve suffered tremendous loss actually want to hear is that we’re grateful for the joys in our lives. That we cherish our good fortune, because we truly understand that we are blessed and that not everyone is fortunate in the way that we are.

I have been a fortunate person all of my life. I also have suffered losses. But I think the greatest loss of all has been a loss of perspective. A loss of perspective that came from a loss of belief in myself and belief in a loving, guiding Spirit.

We all experience loss. It’s part of being alive. But we have a choice in the story we tell ourselves about that loss. We have a choice in the way we go about making meaning out of grief—whether we are grieving a departed love one, the end of a relationship, career, or way of life.

In the course of the past decade our so, I have chosen to follow my heart and walk away from a promising career as a scientist and an engagement. I have courageously ventured into the unknown world of business, coaching, healing arts, and teaching as a single thirty-something woman.

And though I have made these choices freely and boldly, I have been like a house divided, my mind following my heart grudgingly and shouting warnings that at times, drowned out the voice of my heart.

My mind has told me a story that my meandering path is a path that makes me less than others, peers who have achieved more in their young lives. She has told me that I have not fully realized my potential because Spirit holds me as less than worthy. And I have, at times, believed her.

Believing her stories of victim hood has been a handicap to my own happiness. And it has created a loss of perspective that has dishonored my incredible good fortune. She has hijacked my gratitude.

I’ve come to realize that my life is, truly, perfect exactly as it is. I’m supported in all the ways I need support. My responsibilities and commitments match my desires and capacities. My struggles propel my growth. My growth paves the way for my destiny.

My attitude of gratitude anchors me in the joy of my present moment. My fearful mind can take a backseat to my heart. The trees and the flowers, the leaves and the cactus, the animals and the stars can sing to me their song of love and I can feel the pulse of life in me that resonates with them and with all that is.  I am free to be grateful.

~ Emily Glidden

This will be my last post as a contributing member of the Women Move it Forward blog.  I have loved my time as a member of this group–our connection, the forum to explore myself as a writer and the opportunity to interact with readers.  Thank you to all the writers and readers.  May you all continue to move forward, staying true to yourselves and allowing your unfolding evolution.

Surrender

18 Monday Mar 2019

Posted by Hoofprints To The Soul in balance, Coaching, Health, Living MultiDimensionally, Personal Growth, Relationships, Self-Care, Transitions, wholeness

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Written by Carroll a member of Women Move It Forward.

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. ~Albert Einstein

Do you want to change something in your life?

Are you getting up on the same side of the bed each day? Are you drinking coffee in your favorite mug? Driving to work the same way? Seeing the same people each day?  Are you living in a routine each and every day and expecting to have a healthier happier life?

What risks are you inviting into your life?

The last few months I have been shaking up the energy of my life. I have had a professional home coach come in and show me where my life energy was stuck by having me look at the stuff in my home. She showed me through clever questions where I was holding onto things for no reason other than a sense of lack (stuck).

Again through caring and concern she questioned me about the purpose of my”stuff” and that lead to a very insightful awareness that all stuff has its own energy. And just like breathing, I can’t just breath in and hold; I can’t bring stuff into my home and hold or the energy will get stuck. For new things to happen I have to make room by letting go of the old.

I now have an office transformed from a stuck in time storage room, into a creative fun space I gravitate to even when I have no “work” to accomplish.  The side affects are a new path is opening up and I can feel life and my heart speaking.

I am seeing new horizons.

I challenge you to look at you life, shake up your routine, step into new risks and surrender to letting go and letting in  new horizons.

You can have anything you want, you just have to know how to want…

21 Monday Jan 2019

Posted by Hoofprints To The Soul in Anxiety, balance, Grief, Health, Living MultiDimensionally, Personal Growth, Relationships, sagehood, Self-Care, Transitions, Vision, wholeness

≈ 3 Comments

photo of maneki neko figurine

Photo by Miguel Á. Padriñán on Pexels.com

Written by Carroll a member of Women Move it Forward Blog.

I have lead a blessed life!

Every-thing I have truly wanted, I have received.

I told my son his entire life “you can have anything you want, you just need to know how to want.” I tried to explain the how, but that was very difficult. It was such a deep part of me I could not see what all I was doing or being.

There was one area I could not get what I wanted – my attitude about myself. I had no idea how to find my value without achievement or how to keep a healthy weight. I could lose weight if I had a goal. I always seamed to create a protective layer around me.

I have come across Dr Joe Dispenza.

Game Changer!!!!

He gives the how. He uses science to explain what the body is doing. He said our bodies are our subconscious minds. He has data to show people healing everything from stage 4 cancer, Parkinson’s, MS, spinal trauma, and so many other things.

How?

Meditation and breath.

I have been working on me. I have been doing the meditations for almost a month. For 40 years I have had hay fever and sometimes even after taking allergy medications, my throat would close almost all the way and I would have to lie down gasping for air. Now I can go feed hay without medication and I only sneeze a few times. During one mediation my knee felt like it grew twice the size even though it looked the same. Right after the meditation it went back to normal feeling and a childhood injury was healed. No more over extending when I walk.

I listened to testimonials and people talked about healing, abundance of wealth, and divine experiences coming to them. Can you imagine the amount of energy a 1000 people can create in a room in a week? I will be one of them as soon as the Universe organizes it. They are my tribe.

Are you searching for something? I recommend looking into his books, meditations, interviews. and testimonials… they can change your life!

Here is a link to Dr Joe Dispenza and his message in an interview on Impact Theory.

Testimonial from Lorna she had a minor stroke and lost 25% of her vision in one eye. she could not drive or work. She speaks of her healing.

This is a short view of his December 2018 week long advanced retreat.

This is his webpage.

Mind over matter!

It can be all about Me

17 Monday Dec 2018

Posted by Through the Horse in Personal Growth, Self-Care

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I bet that sounds a little selfish and self-absorbed right before Christmas, right? Maybe, and it’s OK if it’s done in a healthy way. I actually just celebrated my 49th birthday yesterday so a day all about me goes without saying. Another celebration is just a few days away. Winter solstice! Often referred to as Yule, this year it will fall on December 21st at 3:23 p.m. MST. Yule is a celebration of the longest night and the rebirth of the sun. Many ancient religions and civilizations celebrated the winter solstice. Many of those beliefs and traditions have been adopted into today’s religions and celebrations. At this time of year I am counting down the days to winter solstice! I despise the long nights and look forward to longer days and more sunshine!

As I looked at my messages and emails for today, there was a consistent theme… Me! One message read, “you are a successful high achiever” – well, duh! LOL My youngest daughter actually called me an over achiever on Saturday! Another message read, “trust yourself, prepare for a personal breakthrough. Make a commitment to your well-being”.

Well Universe – Message heard loud and clear!!

There are many ways I can apply this message and they are all worthy. I find myself leaning towards a tool I learned to use in the EGCM program called a coaching wheel. If that peaks your interest, give me a call and we can chat, wink wink!

The coaching wheel will be a useful tool to measure and focus the “me” message to the different aspects in my life and business. Like the sun that will be reborn at winter solstice and gain power each day, I, too, will rise again. No sense waiting for January 1st, I’m starting now!!

My aspects will be business, home, physical well-being/weight loss, relationships, ranch, calendar, horses, and art. Over the next few days I’ll rank where I am currently and decide how I want to tackle each piece of the pie and move towards that perfect “10”! On Yule, I’ll set some intentions around each and burn a Yule log to welcome home the sun and the new vibrant ME!

Merry Yule everyone!

~ Michelle

Through the Horse

The Little Pony With the Messy Mane

04 Tuesday Dec 2018

Posted by Harmony's Heart - Ashara Morris in Animals, balance, Horses, Relationships, Self-Care

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Animals, Horses

Once upon a time, there was a pony named Emma. She was a Fell Pony, and as such, not tiny. When she was full grown, she would be big enough for a light adult to ride her.

Emma was only two, which means she was full of herself, and had opinions about everything. One day, her opinion, which said “I go through this door FIRST”, and the opinion of another, larger horse, collided. They both had the same opinion about who was going to go through the door first. Unfortunately, they both didn’t fit, and Emma lost that discussion. She also cracked her elbow and her scapula on the door jamb, and things were bleak for a while.

She couldn’t put any weight on her leg. She hobbled around like a tripod, and looked miserable. The vet came out and took x-rays. Uh oh. Stall time for Emma, and maybe, just maybe, she’d get well enough to be a beautiful pasture ornament for the rest of her life.

Fortunately for us all, Emma was wise beyond her years and took very good care of that leg. In only a few days, with the help of some horsey pain killers, she was starting to put weight back on it. She stayed quiet in her stall, ate hay, and chewed on wood. Her good friend Declan, another large pony-sized equine, stayed in the barn with her and kept her company. Emma was very grateful to Declan for making that sacrifice.

Emma’s mom thought it would be nice to braid Emma’s very substantial mane into braids, because it was quite warm in the barn and it would help keep Emma cool. So she did. Emma was not impressed, especially with her forelock braid.

“Why do I have to have my forelock braided,” she fretted, and rubbed her head against the side of the stall. It’s itchy. It goes sideways. It’s got YELLOW TWINE in it, for crying out loud. I look like a hussy instead of a cute pony.”

Emma rubbed and rubbed. The braid became more and more messy. At last, success! Her forelock was once again free!

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Emma on the left, Declan on the right, freed at last from the barn.

After braiding it three times and having it rubbed out, Emma’s mom gave up. If Emma wanted her forelock loose that badly, so be it.

Emma worked on the rest of the braids. It gave her something to do while she was confined to the stall. Got them all out, too.

She continued to heal. After 8 long weeks, she and Declan got to go back outside. Now she’s once again free, eating green grass, and running. Braid free.

 

Giving Common Thanks

26 Monday Nov 2018

Posted by Hoofprints To The Soul in Anxiety, balance, Health, Personal Growth, Relationships, sagehood, Self-Care

≈ 2 Comments

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Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Written by Carroll a member of Women Move it Forward Blog

I do my best to feel gratitude at all times. Thanksgiving is special here because it focuses on the feel of gratitude. This year we had a great feast and company on Thanksgiving. And we focused on how wonderful the food tasted; how easy it was to cook, and all the great friendships we have including the spirits in the Tribe of Tribes on the property.

In the middle of Black Friday night I experienced a whole new level of giving thanks. How many things are taken for granted day-to-day, moment-to-moment? The things that make our life quality. Around 10:30 at night a loud beep woke my husband and I. It was the carbon monoxide detector come on and off a couple of times. The electricity to the entire house flickered and then went off leaving us in complete darkness.

We did the usual things – check to see if the neighbor’s lights were off (indicating it was a widespread outage not just something at our house), get a flashlight, and go to set up the generator.

OUCH, we realized that our generator was out in the barn. When I looked outside it was a white-out blizzard. And I admit my emotions dipped. The thought of bundling up for 15-degree weather, going outside, getting in the car, driving to the barn, opening gates which are probably frozen from ice, lifting the generator into the car, bringing it back and setting it up on the porch with all the snow and wind just did not sound like a good time.

And then my husband said “Let’s wait and see if they get it back on” and I agreed to wait for an hour. My 94-year-old grandmother lives with us and would not fare well if the house became cold. So we waited, half hour later the electricity flashed on for second and then went off again.

At that point I really focused on giving thanks for the person who was troubleshooting this issue where ever they maybe. And I started focusing on finding the benefit of this event! I truly enjoyed the darkness, and the lack of any kind of radio waves from all the devices which are “necessary” nowadays. I enjoyed being cozy under a big blanket. I gave thanks for the person who was in the process of returning electricity to us.

That electricity supplies not only our heat and our light but also our water from the well. All the things taken for granted just in the course of the day.

At 55 minutes after the electricity went out, it came back on. Gratitude for listening to my husband! The relief and gratitude of not having to go to the barn was immense. The gratitude for those people working at the electric power plant or on the line was very deeply heartfelt. And as we started the pellet stove, gratitude for heat, light and comfort was almost overwhelming.

How often do you give gratitude for electricity, water and sewer?

I am reminded of the saying “big things are made out of lots of little things…” I invite you look around you every day with gratitude for the little things like a functioning outlet or faucet…

Acceptance, Hope and Balance

12 Monday Nov 2018

Posted by hawkflightcoaching in balance, Health, Personal Growth, sagehood, Self-Care

≈ 1 Comment

We are nearing the end of 2018. Astrologist Roy Neal pointed out that since August it has been a time of transition, healing and empowerment. It has shown up in powerful ways, individually and globally. Transition is a term used in giving birth. It can be a painful time. Most women forget the pain of birthing once a new life is brought forth.

My astrological chart clearly showed that this time for me was a transition of life or death. And so it was. By surviving surgical complications I escaped physical death or permanent disability. I did not know this was in my chart until I met with Mr. Neal for a reading and he pointed it out to me. My chart also shows that I “make it” into next year. Many things of the past did die with me as I lay recovering in a stroke rehabilitation hospital learning how to negotiate my new life of differing limitations. Since a blood clot damaged my spinal cord after a cervical fusion my unconscious perception of time and space and where my body is doesn’t function well. Fatigue makes it worse. Keeping balance not only in my body but my life is of utmost importance. Things that used to matter, no longer do. New lessons of rebirth are taking place.

Here are just a few new life lessons I learned about balance:

Self care is as important as caring for others. Each person is responsible for their own healing path. I used to hold healing for others. I carried it for them. I still can share what healing I have experienced, but ultimately each one has their own personal responsibility to heal. Healing can take a moment or a lifetime. I personally am grateful to have this opportunity to eventually leave this planet with the same spiritual wholeness I came in with. Putting my own healing first might set a good model for someone else to do the same. My nursing staff sent a thank you card saying I was pleasant and motivated. Yep- sure was! They even took me outdoors to the healing garden for my physical therapy, as I insisted nature was healing.

Holding space for healing has changed to creating space for healing. By releasing what does not resonate with me, and setting a clear boundary, it creates a space. What I have experienced and share may not resonate with someone else, and may even seem the polar opposite. I can let go now and wish them the best on the journey.

Coach Martha Keul once shared a coaching technique with me called “unpacking your backpack.” All of us carry with us on our back a sack of rocks. They could be limiting beliefs, obligations, mind sets, responsibilities, unfinished business, dependencies etc. It is a good idea to dump out that backpack and do an inventory from time to time. Decide if you really want to name and keep that rock or rid yourself of it. Lighten your load when you can. Laying in a hospital and relearning something you never had to think about before like walking or getting to the bathroom can really change whats in your backpack!

Forgiveness means more than letting go. It is actually giving something back that does not belong to you. If you are damaged because someone did something awful to you, why help them continue to damage you? Give it back! It is not yours, it doesn’t belong to you.

Balance is about self worth.  Relationships were always more important to me than money or material belongings. Having too much money or too little money is out of balance. People can also sacrifice themselves to hang onto a relationship and they become victims and martyrs. Balance is not self less or selfish. It is just self- who you uniquely are without all the over lays.  Having more material things that can be replaced may be easier than the pain of a failed relationship. Not having healthy relationships and suffering poverty is dismal.  It is also relative to each individuals circumstances. How I perceive things and my reality often differs from the next person. Hospital bills without insurance are monumental. It might mean life or death to someone. I firmly believe and practice alternative healthcare. Surgical intervention became a necessity. I have had to stand in my truth as to what my reality actually is.

As I continue healing I understand why my polarized shadow side is there. I can offer that same acceptance of others shadow side without judgment. I can’t obliterate things I don’t like or agree with. But I have a new found peace and I can choose what works for me and what doesn’t. I can agree to disagree and not take things too personal. I am not being personally rejected. I learned in a political discussion recently that even the darkest of times can become a catalyst to cure apathy and complacency and drive people to the light! History has shown that certain aspects are not good for the whole and eventually fail repeatedly. Some people in certain countries have spent their entire lives in dictatorships, not necessarily by choice. If I hang on to what does not belong to me I am my own dictator. I cause myself suffering when I could try something different. How can I relate in order to create health and well being in decision making, relationships and situations?

Letting go and releasing may not always be a process. Saying I am DONE, truly meaning it and not taking it back puts a quick end to internal debates. I often agonize over decisions, when a clear choice really lightens the load. I say YES now to ease and flow and what brings inner peace.

I was counseled by humble Mr. Roy to quit attaching guilt to my boundary setting. So now I am like the America’s Got Talent Show. “It’s a NO for me!” It might be someones cup of tea, but I don’t care for Chai! No guilt attached and it is not personal. What not might be for me- might be an opportunity for someone else to excel. Variety is the spice (Chai Tea) of life.

I have researched a concept referred to as Karmic Balancing. To simplify it, the night I was born the sign of Cancer was in transit and in opposition to who I truly am as a freedom loving Sagittarius. I left my childhood believing family, work and responsibility was the way I earn acceptance and self worth. There is no joy in that equation. I could not play, unless all my work and responsibilities were done. They were never done. I tried to fill in the space left by damaged parenting. Likely what my Mother called rebelliousness was just me trying to break the reins of restraint. I am often referred to as crazy. I am neither rebellious or crazy, my joy is the freedom to be me. Hence my love for horses and healing through coaching. What was acceptable to others was like cancer to the authentic me. I have hid my spirituality, love for freedom and my true belief system for most of my life. I thought I was protecting myself and others that I loved. When I am backed into a corner the freedom loving horse spirit fights or flees. No wonder I have such a deep connection with wild horses who are deemed worthless and of no value. Please don’t fence my spirit in. Roy Neal said that I should be a spiritual warrior for myself. I have decided to embrace my crazy!

As a child I learned that I was not worthy of material or financial support. My biological father abandoned me and never paid any child support. Never offered any support in any manner. My step-father was not my biological father and I was told repeatedly that he was not responsible for me. My Mother worked outside of the home to financially support two children. Work made her feel better about herself. Relationships failed her. Food was plentiful, but not material things. I over ate to relieve emotional pain. Relationships became very important to me. Money and things were for necessities and making ends meet. Relationships were so important that being extremely service minded was a result. I gladly gave away freely my education and life experience if it would help someone else to heal. Even if it cost me dearly. The person/relationship was more important than money or financial value. Relationship was priceless and of value. I only appear stoic on the outside.

Mr. Neal reminded me firmly that from now on I am to be treated fairly and with equity. This does not necessarily equate to financial gain, but that energetically I am worthy of a fair and equitable exchange for what I invest in others. Respect, appreciation etc. I was often left feeling like a failure when my love, compassion and life long learning experiences were outright rejected, ignored or not responded to. I always encourage independence in clients but I expect them to show up and participate fully.

Acceptance this year has to do with believing that things were not as traumatic as they seemed. What could have happened with a cervical fusion and complications was a very dark place. Hope is about how to get through this transition. Hope is about an eventual positive outcome and working towards it. Balance is about being determined that I will prevail in my new outcome or rebirth. It is time for my soul to break forth from the inside outward. Mr. Roy Neal even gave me a new definition for joy. I have been working for years on replacing grief in my heart with joy. Please note the term “working.” Who “works” on being joyful? Joy is a state of “Being.” My joy is simply the freedom to be me, embrace myself in my authenticity. I only need to lay down an energetic path of lightness for others to follow. I have been given a late in life opportunity to become more balanced. I can hardly wait to meet the new empowered me in 2019. I am sure that I will be recognizable as I will retain many of my positive attributes. Practicing love and compassion for self and others is balanced by discernment and clarity. Practicing balance is life sustaining, even as my body ages.

I will also begin offering New Reality coaching as part of my repertoire. This coaching is for those who have an inkling that something is shifting and want to explore and create a new reality. We will explore together all kinds of meta physical inspiration and take journeys into new dimensions.

As Disney character Buzz Lightyear says: “to infinity and beyond!”

Roy Neal is a professional astrologer with a private practice. Contact Roy at 720-962-4633.

Inktober

22 Monday Oct 2018

Posted by Through the Horse in balance, Personal Growth, Self-Care, wholeness

≈ 2 Comments

We are 22 days into October and I have drawn 22 days in a row!! Why?  Inktober, that’s why! What is Inktober? Well, Inktober was created by Jake Parker in 2009 to improve his own inking skills.  It has since become a worldwide occurrence to celebrate ink and thousands of artists participate each year. Basically,  it’s 31 days, 31 drawings.  Each day has a word assigned to it and the words are rather random.

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Day 5: Chicken

Our local Chamber of Commerce tweaked the rules a bit to include pencil drawings, thank goodness!  They also added a prize!  Participants who post their drawings to Facebook all 31 days with the hash tags #Inktober and #InktoberCarbonCounty will be entered into a drawing.

When I saw the post in late September, I thought, “cool, that’ll be fun.” It’s been so much more than that!

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Day 17: Swollen

You see, I’m an artist, have been all my life.  However, that piece of me was buried for many years.  My mother-in-law did not like my art and to avoid the constant judging, dirty looks and rude remarks when she entered my home, I took most of my art off my walls and stored it in the basement.  I didn’t paint and rarely even drew for the 10 years I lived next door to her.  Since moving to Wyoming in 2009, I’ve been rediscovering that piece of me, uncovering it layer by layer.

What began as a simple, fun exercise has reawakened a part of me in ways I never imagined.  I spend 10 – 40 minutes on each drawing.  Some words have been easy, others have been difficult.  I don’t “love” every drawing and I’m OK with that.  That, too, was growth as I used to expect every drawing to be perfect or I’d tear it up! Whether it’s good or bad,  I’m putting it out there for the world to see!  This simple exercise has also gotten me through some very stressful days. I’ve been able to take the word for the day and create a drawling that represents where I’m at in that moment. For instance, on day 7 the word  was “exhausted “.  By then I was several days into making my daughter’s wedding dress with a deadline of the 10th! Exhausted was an understatement! 20181007_1929511This was the drawing I created to reflect that.  I was able to smile and let go of the exhaustion in a way that allowed me to continue. The dress turned out beautiful and was a perfect fit.

As October comes to a close, I may have to find a way to continue this on my own.  I may not do it every day but I definitely want to continue to feed this part of me!

Loving Inktober!

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Day 6: Drooling

How You Do Anything…

15 Monday Oct 2018

Posted by BB Harding - Wizard's Ventures, LLC in Personal Growth, sagehood, Self-Care, Transitions, wholeness

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Posted by BB Harding, member Women Move It Forward blog

For years, I have heard the adage “How you do anything is how you do everything.”  Usually, it went in one ear, registered momentarily, dropped into nah, and went on out the other ear.

Throughout the last couple of months, I have been in situations where that very phrase popped up more than once.  I have a rule of thumb, that if I hear something three times (or more), there is a possible message in there for me to look at.

For the past two weeks, I started paying closer attention to see if there was any veracity for me in that statement.  It was easy for me to literally say, I don’t do everything the same way, so what do they mean?  One of the “messages” was in the context of “tell me how you eat dinner, and I will tell you how you do anything.”  Another context “how you do your homework is how you do everything.”  And yet another was literally about doing tasks – “how you do a task is how you do your life.”

Ok this was food for fodder, so I decided to take a look at this.  Obviously, it wasn’t a literal statement, yet maybe there were some common threads.

At the time of the “eat dinner message” I can say that my normal mode was to go grab something, slap it together, and then eat on the run, or while I was doing something else (aka, multi-tasking).  I frequently ate directly from the pan and seldom used “real” dishes (why waste the time and have to cleanup after?)  And I seldom took the time to make something hot (too much trouble).  It was easy to have a few take aways on this one.  I am too busy to take proper care of myself; I look for what is easy to do; I don’t take the time to press the pause button and do something else; too focused on getting things done (or not); that there were things that just weren’t that important to me; I had various notions about keeping productive and efficiency.  One of the other contributors to not sitting down to eat was the fact that I really didn’t have any place to do that.  I could have made a spot on the desktop by pushing my computer out of the way, and I did do that a handful of times.  One of my efforts since I moved to my new place has been to take the time to put food on a plate and sit at the table to eat. Sometimes I do nothing else, and much of the time, I am having some Netflix on in the background.  It is still hard to do absolutely nothing other than eat.

Last week, I was cleaning the front windows on the house.  I was removing the screens, washing down the windows, vacuuming out the dirt in the sills (I wanted to be able to see the view, afterall).  I became aware that I was really taking my time in doing the task.  Not rushing, doing a “good” job; being present to the task.  I started reflecting on this. What is it that has me doing some things more thoroughly than other things?  What causes me to deep dive or skim the surface?  Some say I am meticulous to a fault; I often feel like I am not deep enough.  Some thoughts began to emerge.  If I REALLY like something, I will immerse myself in the topic to find out more.  If I’m ho-hum about it, I will stay on the surface.  What if I have to get something done and I don’t like it?  I work on it, am frequently diverted, and it often gets done at the last possible moment.  What if I have to get something done, and I don’t know how to do it? I struggle with it.  I will research the topic –“what does it mean?”  “What have others done?”  “What can I learn from this?” I’ll fuss with it; I’ll seek answers from others and typically will be dissatisfied with their answers. Other times I will be blown away with a response that makes it all obvious.  Overall, I’ll attempt to apply various learnings and theories that I have come up with to see if I can arrive at a solution.  I know when I am struggling (like what to write for a blog), I wonder how good is “good enough?”  or “when enough is enough?”  Then there is the part under this that says “what if my best is not good enough?” What then?”

I throw out the question about what is my conditioning around this?  A couple of things come roaring to the surface – “Anything worth doing, is worth doing well.”  “Do a good job.” “If you are going to do it, do it right.” “You need to put in 100% (or more) to get the job done.”  “You should be able to figure this out on your own.” “There are times you have to do things you don’t want to do because it is for the greater good.”  “Don’t be sloppy about how you do things.”  “People will judge you on the way you do things.”  “Just get it done…because I said so!”  “Quit whining and get it done.” “A child could figure this out.”   OK, enough.

So, where am I with this experiment?  In the midst for sure.  I have learned a few things

  • It appears that I generally lack a sense of mindfulness in the things that I do.  Many things are done in multi-tasking mode; lack of full attention to the activity that I am doing.
  • How I approach doing something is contingent upon what s happening within me.
  • I have made inroads on caring for self, and yet there is much more to do.  Allowing myself breaks; doing things only for me (e.g. a meal); slowing down and being more present.  Allowing time and space into my life.
  • If I really like something, or really want to know – I will immerse myself, maybe even “work hard” to find out more.  It would be appropriate to note that “work hard,” in this case, doesn’t feel like “working” hard.
  • Conversely, if I don’t like something, don’t want to do something I will allow my energy / mind to wander; allow interruptions; fail to focus; struggle with getting the task done.
  • At times, I have no real commitment to doing something; this would fall more appropriately into the category of “I want to” be more committed in that area.
  • I find myself curious about a couple of things – would I be willing to commit to doing something for a period of time?  Something I like as well as something I don’t like?  Taking on a mindful, self-honoring approach.  Another inquiry:  would I be willing to only do things that I really liked or genuinely wanted to know something about?  This would require jumping past doing things because “I have to do them,” “I should or ought to be doing them.“

Going forward with this experiment, I am focusing on inducing more mindfulness into the way that I do things, and see where that will take me.  This feels as if it could be something that I share about again in the future.

How do you do anything?

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