Ruminating

Contributed by BB Harding

I’ve been taking a class on writing.  The intention of the class is to support people in writing in their authentic voice.  My intention was to find my consistent voice, and allow it to open up for me.

In one of the first exercises I wrote the following:

• When I am around someone who thinks they know it all, I tend to not speak.
• When I am around someone who is loud, boisterous, passionate.  I tend not to speak
• When I am around someone who is always talking, I tend not to speak
• In the last couple of years, I have tended to sit back and not speak
• I need a question to get me started, and then I need patience from the other person to allow me to feel my way into things.
• Unless I know a topic really well, I will not speak.  I might not even question if I don’t find that the other person has the space for me to ask.
• I appear to have a preference for hiding.  Shying away from making my potential inaccurate observations known.

I was, of course, surprised by what I wrote, and at the same time, it gave me words around the things that I did know about myself.  I have struggled mightily to put my thoughts into words that others might be able to relate to.  There are times that I think and feel much differently than how others feel, and in the midst of their passion, I am paralyzed to speak.  I am acutely aware that I can have a limited perspective on many things – I don’t see or know the whole picture.  For me, it can be especially tricky when I can see “both sides of the story,” and I don’t feel strongly one way or the other.  It is also difficult to verbally navigate when something “just doesn’t feel right” to me, and no real data to back me up one way or the other.  I have learned to keep my “potentially controversial” thoughts to myself.  I have had both admiration and fear for my friends that are strong activists, who have very strong opinions about what is wrong in the world.  Admiration because I can see and feel their passion that has ignited into a firing inferno, and fear because the inferno is overwhelming and I don’t have something like that that I feel about, and more than likely, I don’t see things the same way that they do.  (And strongly imagine that they won’t see my point of view either.)

There are days where something will “hit” me and then I will spend some time thinking about it.  I let things sit until they either make some sense to me, or they leave.  This is typical done in the quiet recesses of my mind and are seldom shared. Today, I want to do something different.  To take a chance.

I have long held the vision that as a global citizen there would come a day when I would be able to travel from country to country without the need of a passport.  Much like I do here in the states.  As an auto driver, I go from one to the other, and do not require special documentation.  There are times that I do have to go through a checkpoint, especially in states that border Canada or Mexico.

I have been taken aback by the controversy over the “border wall.”  I can remember the first time I heard about it, I wondered why would we want to move toward isolationism when the emphasis is on globalization?  I now wonder how did it come to pass that we fear for our safety so much that we want to build a wall between us and our neighbors to the south?  What are the things that would need to be taken into account so that we could truly solve the problem?  And is a wall the answer, or dialog, collaboration, out of the box thinking?

In the last year, I was made aware that in order for a change agent to be effective, they had to be able to hold the energy of both polarities and be inclusive.  Inclusive of the positions of both sides so that the view of the problem could rise and be seen at a higher level. The maxims that you must ask the right question to gain the insight, and you can’t solve a problem with the same thinking/energy that created it came flooding in.  What would need to be taken into account in order to get to that higher level of seeing?  I imagined that things like “what are the things that cause/entice our southern neighbors to come into the US?”  “Is there substance to the fears that those in the US have towards our southern neighbors?”  “Do these fears apply just to them, or to all who are different from ourselves?”  “How can the differences be bridged?”  “What change in perspective needs to take place in order to create safety and harmony?” “How can we rise beyond the fear and lack to know that all is well?”

Over the years, through the many catastrophes, I have watched as people have come from all parts of the world to assist and support other parts of the world.  How many have supported earthquakes in Japan, Iran, Haiti, Mexico, China?  How about the tsunami in Thailand?  Illnesses, water quality, food shortages in Africa?  Outreaches that even though they are not classified as such, carry the energy of being a citizen of the world and caring for each other?  Even here in the states, how many people have come to the aide of those whose lives have been turned upside down by the hurricanes, fires and floods?  It hurts to see such vitriol thrown around, distrust escalated to the point of exclusion and the need for walling oneself off, being lulled into a false sense of security.  I am reminded of a friend of mine who delivers speeches.  He had one speech that talked about how the solution to problem A became problem B.  We create a wall thinking that we are solving problems related to illegal immigration, drugs and crime, and then what problem does the wall create?

There are times where it feels frustrating.  I don’t have the answers, and I don’t yet even have the question that would provide the greatest breakthrough when answered.   I hold that somehow, we will be able to come together for the benefit of raising the consciousness of the collective, and with that intent, the answers come forward.

I ask myself, how can I change my perspective so that I can embrace new possibilities rather than push against something that seems off?  I know that I can be in charge of how I proceed and hold that others too will do the same.

 

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You can have anything you want, you just have to know how to want…

Photo by Miguel Á. Padriñán on Pexels.com

Written by Carroll a member of Women Move it Forward Blog.

I have lead a blessed life!

Every-thing I have truly wanted, I have received.

I told my son his entire life “you can have anything you want, you just need to know how to want.” I tried to explain the how, but that was very difficult. It was such a deep part of me I could not see what all I was doing or being.

There was one area I could not get what I wanted – my attitude about myself. I had no idea how to find my value without achievement or how to keep a healthy weight. I could lose weight if I had a goal. I always seamed to create a protective layer around me.

I have come across Dr Joe Dispenza.

Game Changer!!!!

He gives the how. He uses science to explain what the body is doing. He said our bodies are our subconscious minds. He has data to show people healing everything from stage 4 cancer, Parkinson’s, MS, spinal trauma, and so many other things.

How?

Meditation and breath.

I have been working on me. I have been doing the meditations for almost a month. For 40 years I have had hay fever and sometimes even after taking allergy medications, my throat would close almost all the way and I would have to lie down gasping for air. Now I can go feed hay without medication and I only sneeze a few times. During one mediation my knee felt like it grew twice the size even though it looked the same. Right after the meditation it went back to normal feeling and a childhood injury was healed. No more over extending when I walk.

I listened to testimonials and people talked about healing, abundance of wealth, and divine experiences coming to them. Can you imagine the amount of energy a 1000 people can create in a room in a week? I will be one of them as soon as the Universe organizes it. They are my tribe.

Are you searching for something? I recommend looking into his books, meditations, interviews. and testimonials… they can change your life!

Here is a link to Dr Joe Dispenza and his message in an interview on Impact Theory.

Testimonial from Lorna she had a minor stroke and lost 25% of her vision in one eye. she could not drive or work. She speaks of her healing.

This is a short view of his December 2018 week long advanced retreat.

This is his webpage.

Mind over matter!

Awesome Pie!

 

Photo credit: https://www.piesareawesome.com/

Written by Carroll a member of Women Move It Forward Blog

Have you ever had a conversation with someone where they were so passionate and positive about their topic that you could not help getting the feeling I want some of that? I have and then re-counting the conversation to someone else with equal passion the words just came to my mouth: “I want some of that awesome pie!”

I recently have been thinking about that situation and how great it felt. And it got me to wondering, why is it when a person speaks to me about an event it actually comes to life? Whereas looking at a website or Facebook post or any other visual media provides a rather bla experience in comparison…

I believe the answer is trust. Even if it is someone I don’t know; if they are so excited about the event that it just bubbles fourth, I trust that the event had value. The feeling is stronger if it is from someone in my circle; people who are like me. People with similar tastes. That is when I really step up and say where can I get a slice of that awesome pie?

I went on a trip to Peru a few years ago to ride horses up through the mountains. I cannot speak the language, yet I jumped at the chance to do this. Why? Because the person setting it up was someone I knew and trusted. I knew they had experience with  the country, and I knew it was a once in a lifetime opportunity. That trip changed my life! It showed me how capable I am, and how much joy can come from trusting. Trusting the horse, the trail, my balance, the Universe, and ultimately myself.

I think an interesting thing about awesome pi is that each slice contains something different. They may all have the same main ingredient, but each slice has additional ingredients not in the others.

I am in the process of learning how to make awesome pies. What does that look like? I start with something incredible that happened in my life, and I start talking about how it felt and what meant to me.  If the person listening provides uninterested feedback, I thank them in my head and save that slice of pie for someone else who is hungry. There is nothing wrong with being full. When someone has awesome pi to share with me, I get my fork out in anticipation.

If I can make a suggestion, I would ask you to create your own recipe for awesome pie… Start with something that moves you, then sprinkle in a little of the surrounding environment, and top it off with what you got out of it…

and then share…

Where the Wild Things Grow

It’s finally warming up here in Wyoming! The plants and trees are budding out and growing. We bought our property in July 2011 and there is constant work to beautify and upgrade.  It was a blank canvas without any landscaping when we bought it.  The previous owners’ idea of landscaping consisted of pouring gravel and rock to the edge of every building.  The first couple of years were spent picking up trash and debris and raking gravel away from the buildings.  I finally found bare ground!  Eventually, I bought a few plants to plant in front of the house.  That’s when I entered into a battle with Wyoming winters and 6800 feet elevation.

Thus far,  I’ve been fairly successful.  The Columbines, Yarrow, Sages, and Wild Rose have all flourished.  I even had a mystery plant show up last fall!  I’m fairly certain it’s Cinquefoil but I have no idea where it came from! Other plants, such as, the domesticated rose, lavendar, and rosemary have not survived.  Other plants have become tasty treats for the local antelope herd.  I’ve learned not to count things out too early as some plants are slower to emerge each year.

Last year I completed my spiral garden. That was a challenging project!  I’m overjoyed with the plants that have come back and am excited to watch them grow.  As my garden has grown more of Nature’s little creatures have come to visit.  As I look back at pictures tracking my progression, I am amazed.  That amazement and joy has transformed into a reflection of how my landscaping projects could mirror my business.

Melisa Pearce, founder and creator of the Equine Gestalt Coaching Method and my mentor has often referred to her business as a crafting project.  I have tried to apply that thought process many times over but it just wasn’t a fit. However, if I equate it to my landscaping projects it is a perfect fit!

I began with nothing,  a blank canvas. Like my growing season, my coaching sessions with my horses is limited to about half the year.  Each year I groom the land,  preparing space to hold my sessions and events.  I plan workshops and events. Thus far, I’ve not found the right ones that flourish.  Some have perished like the domesticated rose.  Others are slow growing but keep coming back. I have several ideas in the works for this year and just like finding the right plants for this environment, I need to find the right “feel” or themes for Wyoming.  As I reflect on my garden and the plants that have flourished here an awareness that the “wild” ones have done better.  Maybe, I’ve been holding on too tight to creating that perfectly cultivated workshop and event?  Maybe I should let it be a little wild, thorny and free?

Maybe I need to come from a place of Where the Wild Things Grow and let the ideas flow.

Michelle Sidun

 

Peace in Motion

Blog post contributed by Barbara B.

One of the prayers my church recites each week goes like this. “We pray to you, O Lord, for the peace of the world, that a spirit of respect and forbearance may grow among nations and peoples.” As I recited that litany last week I thought about the PyeongChang 2018 Olympic Winter Games in South Korea and how their goal and mine seemed to have a common theme. The goal of the Olympics is “to contribute to building a peaceful and better world by educating youth through sport practiced without discrimination of any kind and in the Olympic spirit, which requires mutual understanding with a spirit of friendship, solidarity and fair play.”

For me, prior to Feb. 9, such a idealistic goal seemed almost impossible. The current state of political divisions in the US is the worse I can remember during my lifetime, yet I believe we are in the best of times. Our culture, economy and social fabric has been torn into pieces with no one at the helm carefully picking up the fragile fabric and mending it back into a cohesive construct. At the local level, we seem more cohesive and intact, but at the national level, it seems so divisive. Our mission as a nation seems to me to be more about displaying strength instead of being strong, about building wealth instead of character, focusing on our differences than our similarities and concentrating on misunderstanding than understanding.

I remember a time when we discussed “politics” (and religion) around the dining room table, with friends and family. Sometimes it was difficult but we had a way of valuing each other’s principles, thoughts and beliefs. There may have been “red” and “blue” divisions, but at the end of our discussions we often were purple. How? Back in the day, I believe we believed we had more in common than not. Life was centered about caring for each other, our elderly, and protecting, educating and assuring a bright future for our children. We did not insist someone lose in order for another to win. I believe we were a stronger, more unified nation because of our differences and our willingness to listen to each other.  And now with the Winter Olympics approaching and the discussions about the ability of North and South Korea to tolerate each other or get along, I wondered what was going to happen. The media hyped their problems and concentrated on their critical differences. Even I, the optimist, began to wonder if a potential disaster would be the outcome of the Olympics.

Then the opening ceremony started with the motto of “Peace in Motion”, and there it was, a giant dove of peace as John Lennon’s “Imagine” was sung. The ancient Bell of Peace rang out in the opening ceremony. The “human spirit of perseverance” was in full display. The understanding that “Peace” was to be the prevailing thought and action in the coming days was uplifting. The young participants walked out, full of smiles and hope. Then, for the world to see, the South and North Korea athletes entered the stadium in unison, under the Korean Unification Flag. A divided country, much more divided than us, displayed professionalism, compassion, commitment to peace and harmony and courtesy to each other. I breathed a sigh of relief. Was it possible, peace had a chance on this tiny blue globe? As the games played on and people of all nations gathered to compete, they displayed amazing strength, fortitude and courage. Side by side they exhibited compassion thru exhilarating feats and defeats. I saw hugging, supporting, congratulating and empathy for the fallen. Then as incredible as that was, the Olympians continued to astonish and inspire me as the Korea national women’s ice hockey team, composed of players from both nations, stepped onto the ice. Their willingness to set aside differences allowed them to not only show their best, but be their best. All in all, true sportsmanlike conduct prevailed but more than that, a genuine civility permeated the air. Respect was fostered and peace and harmony was set to motion.

So I now have a renewed faith that by coming together with a commitment to foster humanity, civility and peace for our nation and her people, the USA can be re-united. And why not? If a small divided nation, the size of Utah, can show us how they set aside their differences for 17 days by agreeing on a common goal, commitment and clear guidelines, then there is hope we too can unite for the betterment of all. Let’s set peace in motion.

Barbara is the president of Wayfinding with Horses, Inc. trained in the Equine Gestalt Coaching Method, a retired Professional Engineer and Qi Gong Instructor but mostly she is a woman passionate about horses, their wellbeing and sharing their gift of strengthing relationships. The horses teach the clients to trust their true nature while interacting with them in the outdoor classroom.  Clients often report a heightened awareness about themselves, their surroundings and others while experienceing a deeper, more profound understanding of their relationships and connection to others.  Barbara lives at Wayfinding Farm, located near Ocala Florida.  

Opening the Doorways to Self-Love

This post contributed by BB Harding.

For years, I have heard the adage that you just need to love yourself.  So much of misfortune, diseases, and other sticky stuff of life emerges out of a lack of self-love.  Ok, I heard that, and felt that yeah, pretty much I did that.  Not a big deal, not something to spend time worrying about.  Yeah, yeah, yeah….kind of like the old Beatles song.  Apparently, I am not alone, as the instructor for the Human Design class that I am taking has said that in her practice, more than 85% of her clients have issues with self-love.

As I write this article, 2017 is coming to a close, and 2018 is waiting in the wings; in fact, in some parts of the world, 2018 has already arrived.  I am reflecting on where I have allowed love to enter my life more in 2017.  Where have some of the opportunities for transformation been presented? 

One of the first things that comes to mind is some work around power.  Two of us who did the Sacred Ambition event in August of 2016 did some extended work around power.  Over several weeks we repeatedly asked the same 5 questions focused on power and answered them in the moment.  It was clear that for me, power was an “evil” thing; not only in the world, also in my hands.  Somehow, power in my hands would not be a good thing – I would hurt people – a message that was given to me in my youth.  So, it would be understandable that I would want to avoid power. Over the weeks, the insight that “power is the love that sets things in motion” came to me.  It was an inspired thought, and it brought about a shift.  The love that sets things in motion.  What does this say about all of what is considered the use of power that is exuded into the world?  Really, the LOVE that sets things into motion?  I could easily grasp that if power were used in a “good way” LOVE was setting things into motion.  Not so sure about power used is so many of the visible ways in our world today. That leads to the contemplation that today’s notion of power is really abuse, rather than power.

Another area – working with the understanding that all parts serve a noble purpose.  All parts are here to serve me – to get the best for me.  The more work I do with the voice dialogue or active imagination techniques to understand where a part is coming from, the more I begin to understand this.  Some parts are easier to accept than others.  It is my judgment that categorizes them as good or bad.  It is my judgment as to whether I will accept them or not.  Moving into acceptance for all has, at times, been a challenge; after all I didn’t want to admit that a “more enlightened” person recognizes that the turmoil that resides in the outside world also resides inside.  When doing the “darker” work, as it is referred to,  to investigate within my own conscious or even the unconscious – the murderer, the rapist, the robber, the world dominator – well, I’m sure you get the idea – wasn’t really what I wanted to look at.  Asking those questions how is it that I kill myself or others off?  Where is it that I would force my will on another?  How do I take the life force from myself and others?  Where do I adamantly see that it should be my way or the highway?  All good questions and the proverbial grist for the mill.  I am not going to claim that I have done all the work that there is.  There are nuances that pop up here and there, and at the same time, I can feel that “progress” is being made.  There is a different sense of well-being and knowing inside that wasn’t there.

Attempting to reach mastery can be a steep hill to climb.  Another saying of popularity is there are only two choices – fear or love.  ANY time I am not choosing love, I am choosing fear.  It seems sooooo black and white; where are my fifty-shades of grey?  I am learning that love generally doesn’t spring from reaction.  That at some level, self-preservation is what springs into reaction.  I want to explain so that you don’t think I am stupid; I want to do good things so that you will love me; I want to solve problems so that you will see my value; and most of all I don’t want to do anything that will result in my being kicked out of the tribe.  At the same time, I feel shielded by the fact that most of my adult life has really been alone so that no one could pierce the not so invisible armor.  It is exhausting to be one guard for one reason or another – what can I do to feel open, vulnerable, trusting, connected?  I am learning that loving who I am, foibles and all, and learning which projection about my actions is mine, and which belongs to someone else.  It is soooo hard to grasp that just BE-ing is enough.  What would the world be like if we were all just BE-ing?  Of course I wonder, what would ever get done if everyone were just being.

And the last thing I would like to share with you is self-care.  One look at me, and it is obvious that I have not spent a lot of time on the kind of self-care that results in a very healthy life.  My body is grossly overweight and racked with pain.  I truthfully have not given it much thought one way or the other and it wasn’t a topic that I talked about.  I felt I simply had to accept the way things were, as I wasn’t likely to be able to change it.  It wasn’t that I hated myself, it was more like a lifetime of not caring one way or another, and now, I would just have to live with it; I was too far gone to really be able to change things at this point in the game.  I am learning that there is a difference between blithely accepting and learning to love the way things are.  After years of doing things to get more healthy and failing, I have a clarity that I am waiting until the momentum comes from within.  I am experimenting with expanding possibilities, choosing one and then feeling into whether I am producing the results that feel good or not.  I am paying attention so that I can recognize where the convergence of the desire to shift and the impulse to action converge in support of the desire.  It has taken a certain amount of work to even allow the desire to emerge, let alone open the door to new possibilities and until that convergence has caught fire within, I am learning to love things just the way they are.  I am also acknowledging that there is pain, and that rest is needed.  Rest to allow healing to take place; rest to take a breather rather than pushing completely beyond the limits; rest to honor that BE-ing has a precedence; to allow my own power to emerge.  This is one where I slip out of alignment frequently because I’m in the middle of something that I like doing, want to know more about, etc.  😉

In this year of 2018, I encourage you to create the doorways in which self-love can gently enter and allowing your love to set things in motion.

Reincarnation

Tags

change, Time and Space, Vision

Posted by Ashara Morris, one of the writers of this Blog.

I seem to write a great deal about my family. They are a wonderful source of fodder for this blog; I’ve learned so much about myself through them over the years. My childhood was what one might call fairly idyllic; protected, loved, and while I was sent some messages that I’ve had to work through over the years, I was blessed with a general sense of well-being and goodness that has carried me in dark times.

I grew up in a fairly religious setting, and reincarnation wasn’t a topic of discussion at our table; however, my work with animals has certainly shown me the possibility, and I now embrace the concept fully. It is a complex topic, and one about which I have no complete answer. But I do believe that after we are finished with our current body, we DO continue, in one form or another. I’m pretty certain I was a horse in my most immediate past life – why else would I have such a knowing of what it felt like to be a horse? It was so much so that as a kid I walked like a horse, I ran like a horse, and when I competed in foot races I couldn’t just “trot” – I had to canter or gallop. which in a human body is actually pretty slow (with the result that I usually lost the race, even though I may have been ahead at the “trot”). It took me years to let go of that feeling.

I’ve only had a few of what I will call “deep-ish” conversations with my dad. One of them involved his philosophy about where we go after we die. He had decided somewhere along the line that when we kick the bucket, that’s it. He only went to church because it pleased my mom. I’m pretty sure he never shared that with her, and I certainly didn’t say anything.

So imagine my surprise when, a few days before his passing, I got a message through the ether from him, letting me know that he was on his way to the other side. We had a lovely conversation while I removed manure from our horse paddocks. I decided I was either crazy or actually “talking” with my dad, 1500 miles away. He left his body within 36 hours of that little talk. Huh.

After he passed, I came home for the funeral, and sitting in their former master bedroom, the hangers in what had been his closet started to jingle – the door to that closet was closed, and there was no air stirring. When I said it was freaking me out, it stopped. Papa was sending me messages.

Dad passed in 2005. Fast forward to about a year ago. I had a booth as a reader at a Body Mind Spirit Expo, my first, and a lovely couple stopped by my booth. After much trying and being told it would never happen, they were pregnant with their first child, a girl who was already named: Juliana. They wanted to make sure their two dogs understood that the birth of Juliana a few months in the future would impact everyone, but would not lessen their love for their canine friends. They were hoping the dogs would embrace their new human sister as she became part of the family. The dogs were of course thrilled to be involved in this process and said they would greet her with open paws.

I read for a lot of people and their animals at the expos, and very often someone will sit down in front of me and I don’t remember them. That was the case with this

My Papa

family, who stopped by my booth again at the fall event. This time there were three of them; mom, dad, and their little girl. We chit-chattted a bit, I asked when their daughter had been born, and they said in January. “Oh, how sweet,” I replied, “I have two puppies who were born in January, so she must be about 9 months old. What is her birth day?”

January 13.

“Wow,” I said, “that’s my dad’s birthday.” It was then I noticed that this 9-month old child was doing an inordinate amount of staring at me. I paused. “Nahhhhh,” my brain whispered. “That’s just a coincidence.”

She stared harder, little Juliana. Her eyes looked brown. My dad’s eyes were brown. The more we gazed at each other, the more the layers peeled away. I saw my dad’s face in hers. I know that Spirit always makes it easy for us to connect the dots, if we will just let go of our notions of “how things work” and allow the magic. There he was! This beautiful little girl was the essence of my father. I started to cry.  Miracle child, indeed.

Her parents were thrilled, and told me that although their dogs were doing great with Juliana, they had been compelled to seek me out and say hello. I felt twenty times blessed.

As they prepared to leave, they handed Juliana to me. I have never been comfortable holding small children, but I embraced her as the friend and teacher that she always has been, and always will be. I noticed that her eyes are not brown at all; they’re blue. The spirit she is showed me what I needed to see to connect the dots, and then settled back into her Juliana body, which doesn’t actually look like my dad at all.

As I’ve opened my heart, it has opened my eyes and my entire being to possibility. It is a journey I never thought I would take, and one that I wouldn’t miss for anything. What next?

If you would like to know more about Ashara, visit http://www.harmonysheartanimals.com. If you want to explore how she can help you have the Best Life Ever with your Pet, register for a free 30-minute consultation at: https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=13755877&appointmentType=4343895

The Call of Competition

For over twenty years, I was a competitor at Peruvian Horse shows. Last year, I began to compete in speaking competitions. I have come to believe most of the audience is hoping that I will do well. I also want my competitors to do well. As the bar is raised, we all improve.

My theory on competition is that it provides a way for me to test (and to better) myself. When I am preparing for a competition, I work at my craft. I put in the extra effort to build the excellence into my performance. When it was in partnership with my horse, I was also building connection and communication between us so that we could perform as a team. Now,in speaking, the goal is in building connection and communication with my audience.

Competition for me is also about facing fear. It gets easier over time to put myself in the cross-hairs and face criticism. I am as guilty as anyone of doing some of my best performances from the bleachers and being critical of those who are out there doing the work. Being out there demands that I walk the talk and lead by example.

When I am on stage at speaking competitions, I sometimes have flashes of loneliness. During competition, I am accustomed to having my horse with me to reassure me. I combat that by speaking about my experiences with horses so that they are there with me in spirit if not in body. I do what I need to do to comfort myself so that I can step into the performance confidently.

Competition is not about winning ribbons or trophies. If I have performed well or have learned an important lesson, I have won. There are times when I am disappointed by the results – when I feel that I should have placed better. That has led me to another understanding about competition. The results are the judges’ opinions at that time, not a permanent commentary on my performance. If the judge does not appreciate me or my horse, that does not mean that my horse is not a quality animal.

Competition provides an opportunity for me to be evaluated using someone else’s criteria – to get someone else’s opinion. I may or may not agree with their opinion. In any case, it gives me information to consider for future performances. It is unlikely that no one would agree with the judge. With that said, I must weigh the judge’s opinion with my own, and ensure that it is in keeping with my values before I make changes.

Ultimately, my opinion of myself and my performance is more important than that of the judge. However, the evaluation gives me an opportunity to hone my skills further than I could if I had only my own opinion to base it for. For me, that is the value of competition.

Wishing you all the courage to step out on your own personal stage.

Photo courtesy of Suzanne Brown.

Jocelyn Hastie

Choosing to Trust

I am in the process of house hunting.  By now, I have probably looked at close to a thousand pictures on sites like Zillow, Trulia and Realtor.com.  I have been on several days of house hunting-in-person expeditions.  It has been a process of discovery – I love long views, however not over miles of prairie – need some trees in there.    The big tubs that come with the master bathroom in so many houses are a waste of space, in my opinion.  Cupboard space is important; a gas stove is probably in order; open floor plan that allows for a lot of light is a key ingredient.  I am also clear that I don’t want to walk out the backdoor and be looking into my neighbors’ yards.  Having space around me is important.  I am looking in different areas of Northern New Mexico, so I am working with multiple realtors.  I have had to convey the point more than once that yes, there are physical criteria and a place may match those, however, rule number one is that the place has to feel good inside and out.  So, many a seemingly great house or great property has made it to the no column for that simple reason.

On the weekend of July 8, I saw a new listing come through on one of my drips, and notified the realtor that, if possible, I wanted to see it while we were out. He was able to arrange an appointment for that day’s journey.  Because of my schedule, we had limited time and several houses to cover.  This house was the last one on the day’s list.  It was a little more out of town than I really wanted, yet the drive wasn’t unpleasant. We drove up and it was obvious that the place would have a view.  Even though the property was on less than an acre, and there were neighbors to be seen, it felt nestled into the hillside.  There were trees on the perimeter of the property line, and a few on the property itself.  There was a nice dog yard with a couple of great dogs inside.  We walked inside and WOW.  Great open floor plan, the kitchen was large (one of my friends said I would never fill all the cupboards); gas fireplace; dining room, big living room, and then we came upon the master bedroom suite.  Spacious bathroom, spacious bedroom, spacious closet and the total OMG, an added sunroom that was configured as a sitting room.  (Of course, I said to myself, THE PERFECT OFFICE!!!).  Because of the time constraint, we hustled through.  As we drove back to where my car was parked, we arranged to come see the place in more depth the following day.  We had not been able to check out the garage, and I really wanted to take the house layout into account.  We went back again on Sunday, took our time, checked out the garage (an ideal man-cave, lots of lighting, an insulated attic and even a mini-wood stove and rock and mortar half-walls).  I walked the property, and bottom line, it felt good inside and out.  As we left, I told the realtor that I wanted to get some information on the cost of utilities and pending that, I was ready to make an offer.

The fact-finding mission revealed that utilities ran about $500 per month for electric, propane, internet, tv, alarm monitoring.  That was a budget breaker for me.  So, I made calls to utility companies for more information; and worked on decisions about what I could do without.  (TV immediately came off the list, as well as alarm monitoring, and hot tub – I don’t have any of those now, so knew I could live without them.)   I had shared the listing with a couple of friends of mine and the feedback was twofold – AWESOME house, and it seems kind of big for you.  (Over 2000 square feet).  Not to be deterred, I continued to work the numbers and see myself in the place.  This was THE place, I just had to figure out how to make it work.  I had seen a lot of candidates, many of them were great homes, and in this one, I felt good.  I REALLY liked this place.  I mean, REALLY liked this place.  That master bedroom suite and sunroom were to die for.

As I was both working the numbers, and sitting with the energy of the place (reviewed all kinds of paperwork), I became aware of the presence of what might be called a Niggling Doubt.  I sequestered it in the back of my consciousness.  After all, I didn’t want anything to interfere with my now dream home.  I was aware of how hard it had been to get to this point, and did not want to let this opportunity go for fear that there would not be another one.  (Indeed, coming from scarcity).  Eventually I gave in.  Coming to my senses, and determining that if I was truly going to walk the path of partnership with my Inner Wisdom and parts it was time to sit down with Niggling Doubt and see why it was there.  In the course of conversation, here is what came forth:  I would place all of my energy into the master bedroom suite (oh so very true – totally busted, score one for Niggling Doubt) and because I would do that, and because the other bedrooms were also located near the master, the energy would be concentrated on that side of the house to the detriment of the rest of the house.  Well, that was a point that I hadn’t taken into consideration.  The layout of the house would lend itself to a restricted “beaten path” exacerbating the lack of energetic flow to the remainder of the house.  Score two for Niggling Doubt.  Then there was another point that it brought up; one that I had pushed to the side – the other bedrooms were on the same side as the master bedroom.  In my imaginings, I had always seen them on the other side.  I had noted that while looking at the house, however, I was “willing to dismiss it and live with it.”  (Hey, you don’t get everything on your wish list!).  Apparently, Niggling Doubt was not in agreement with that decision.  My long-term plan is to be able to do some in-depth retreats with individual clients.  Niggling Doubt felt it was important to have a safe energetic space for both the retreatant and myself. All right, already; score three for Niggling Doubt.

I wish I could say that at this point I gracefully saw the wisdom in all of this, let it go, called the realtor and chose to move on.  In reality, I had a few issues to deal with, the most prevalent of which is “why do I always have to let things I want go?” or “why can’t I have what I want,” etc.  Yes, indeed, there were a few tears shed, and a little bit of a pity party.  I finally came to peace with it all. I recognized that I am always at choice, and of course I could choose to go ahead and purchase the place, or I could choose to trust that another place even more suited to me will appear.  (Did I mention that I really, really, really liked this place?).  I came to understand that this house is beautiful and it deserves to have owners that will fill it to the brim with their energetic presence.  It was a big ask for me to step into trusting the universe to deliver something equally as good or even better, especially when something really good was practically in my hands.  There were the thoughts about will I regret not buying the place?  Will I truly be able to manifest something equally as good or better?  And, I consciously chose to trust. Breathe in, breathe out.  Trust.

(BTW, as I was completing my letting go process, the house went under contract on Thursday)

How can you expand your ability to trust?  In what area of your life would it be a big ask to let go and trust that a better outcome was available?

BB is a True Purpose(r) coach working with women in their 50’s and older finding the new meaning in their lives and learning to move into the trust that they are safe and can be sustained if they follow their own Inner Wisdom.  For more information, contact BB at bb@wizardsventures.com or 720-378-4961.

Self Sabotage

I am really good at planning and brainstorming. I have lots, no tons, of notebooks with ideas both written down and sketched out. Some are projects for the house and property. Some are business related. Some are personal. Many of those ideas I’ve completed, many more are in some stage of progress and some have not yet even been begun. As I reflect and plan for 2017 I came to a realization. I’m self sabotaging my business.

I have focused my energy on projects that don’t have any real commitment. Many of the projects I worked on and even completed last year do relate to my business and were necessary to move forward. For instance, the corral that I cleaned and sectioned off for EGC sessions was huge to my being able to have groups and individual sessions! I felt really good about that project being completed. Moving the chicken coop was another necessity for the property, not so much for the business. The landscaping is personal and business related as I want things to look nice for visitors and it’s part of the overall vision I have for my business. I move into all of these projects with ease and have no problem putting energy into them.

This past winter I did quite a bit of researching and brainstorming about some different groups I would like to have this year. And this is where I self sabotage! I’ve come up with several group ideas, including Sacred Circle of Sisterhood, Buck the Bullying with the Herd, Lives Affected, Lives Lost Suicide Support Group and Summer Camp for kids. First, I get hung up on finding the perfect name. While I convinced myself that the perfect name is important, it’s really just an excuse to avoid doing, avoiding action and commitment.

I did name several of the groups so now let’s get them scheduled, right? And here comes the self sabotage again! I did actually look at my calendar and I did try to figure out a regular rotation for the groups but I didn’t, wouldn’t commit. I was trying to plan to meet on a regular basis for example; the 4th Friday or the 3rd Wednesday. Unfortunately, that’s not going to work because I already have other things on my calendar like a wedding, a horse clinic and some other out of town traveling. All very valid reasons, except I use them to shut the whole thing down.

What’s behind all of that? Fear. Fear of failure. Fear of putting myself out there. Fear of judgement. How do I move past that? I’m not sure. Maybe I just need to jump in. Maybe, I need to find the day of the week that will work “most” of the time and be flexible. Let the group know that we have to either skip or do a different day for that one day that I can’t be there, instead of letting that ONE day prevent me from scheduling it all!

I know I need to move past the fear because it’s holding me back. I need to really look at that and why my chest got tight as I was typing that. There are going to be feelings of failure and disappointment when people don’t show up or things don’t go as planned and I need to accept that. I need to go to the Herd for support in that. I also need to remember the feeling I had when I completed certain projects. Those are good feelings and embracing that will help me move forward past the fear. So my action this week, besides finishing my taxes, is to put these groups on the calendar and finish writing a description for each. Trust the Process!!! Trust the Herd!!! Trust myself!!!

 

Michelle L. Sidun