“He who returns from a journey is not the same as he who left”.

Summer has come to end. The heat and rain of 2018 will be long remembered, but most memorable will be my 2680 mile road trip. As I mentioned in my previous blog I did not go to any exotic location. My trip was charted by destiny. It started with me placing pins on a map of where old friends, horses I knew and relatives still lived throughout the eastern US. It also included seeing old homes, special roads or views that I loved.  I learned that my bones take a bit longer to straighten out after being in a car for any length of time, but my eyes were just as bright exploring new roads and re-experiencing old trails.

The last part of my trip took me to SW Pennsylvania. The scenery; hills of green, winding rivers and forest so lush and thick they were intoxicating, brought me back home.   I visited my old work place and got caught up with my co-harts.  I rode horses down familiar trails and even went to visit my old homestead(s). It was nostalgic and a bit sad, but clearly evident to me that the home and land was no longer part of whom I was.

But one thing, above all stood out to me on this trip. One evening my girlfriend got all the other ladies together that I knew.  When I lived there I was part of a monthly “horsey girl night out” where we shared stories about our horses, training we learned about or brought a video or two to discuss. I loved this group of women but really didn’t imagine I’d be able to see so many of them during my stay. When I walked in, I briefly looked around and took note of their changes and then there I was. Again, smack in the middle of stories, laughter, crying and hugs. I had to pinch myself to remind myself that I was no longer a regular part of this group.

What made this group just like going home to family? I quickly realized that it was not necessarily the monthly get togethers that bonded us, but really quite more.  We all had been there for each other through snow storms, loss of electricity, helped each other with sick or injured horses, rode the hills together, vacationed with our horses together, lifted each one up when a job was lost, a child became sick or a family memeber died.  We loved each other just as much for our faults and as our virtues. We had seen the worse of each other, the quirky sides and even the best from time to time. Is this what binds a family, a group, a village or nation I mused about during those 2 1/2 weeks on the road?

For me, growing up in a military family and moving often, I used to believe that the wonderful places I experienced overshadowed the many, many friendships I made. I was wrong. Here was a group of strong, independent women that became my family for only 12 years and yet when we met again after 5 years, we were as connected as ever! Most other people, I suspect know and understand the value of friendship and may not even questioned or think much about it. But for me the profound ability to reconnect and not be the one looking from the outside in (as was my regular pattern) was amazing and something I will cherish always.

To friendship!

Barbara is the owner and president of Wayfinding with Horses, Inc.  She is trained in the Equine Gestalt Coaching Method, a retired Professional Engineer and Qi Gong Instructor but mostly she is a woman passionate about horses, their wellbeing and their gift of being present. The horses help her clients to trust their true nature and lead from the heart.  Clients often report a heightened awareness of their surroundings and others while experiencing a deeper, more profound understanding of their relationships and connection to others.  Barbara lives at Wayfinding Farm, located near Ocala Florida.


Awesome Pie!



Photo credit:

Written by Carroll a member of Women Move It Forward Blog

Have you ever had a conversation with someone where they were so passionate and positive about their topic that you could not help getting the feeling I want some of that? I have and then re-counting the conversation to someone else with equal passion the words just came to my mouth: “I want some of that awesome pie!”

I recently have been thinking about that situation and how great it felt. And it got me to wondering, why is it when a person speaks to me about an event it actually comes to life? Whereas looking at a website or Facebook post or any other visual media provides a rather bla experience in comparison…

I believe the answer is trust. Even if it is someone I don’t know; if they are so excited about the event that it just bubbles fourth, I trust that the event had value. The feeling is stronger if it is from someone in my circle; people who are like me. People with similar tastes. That is when I really step up and say where can I get a slice of that awesome pie?

I went on a trip to Peru a few years ago to ride horses up through the mountains. I cannot speak the language, yet I jumped at the chance to do this. Why? Because the person setting it up was someone I knew and trusted. I knew they had experience with  the country, and I knew it was a once in a lifetime opportunity. That trip changed my life! It showed me how capable I am, and how much joy can come from trusting. Trusting the horse, the trail, my balance, the Universe, and ultimately myself.

I think an interesting thing about awesome pi is that each slice contains something different. They may all have the same main ingredient, but each slice has additional ingredients not in the others.

I am in the process of learning how to make awesome pies. What does that look like? I start with something incredible that happened in my life, and I start talking about how it felt and what meant to me.  If the person listening provides uninterested feedback, I thank them in my head and save that slice of pie for someone else who is hungry. There is nothing wrong with being full. When someone has awesome pi to share with me, I get my fork out in anticipation.

If I can make a suggestion, I would ask you to create your own recipe for awesome pie… Start with something that moves you, then sprinkle in a little of the surrounding environment, and top it off with what you got out of it…

and then share…

Redefining Success

Whenever I see a riding client of mine becoming tense and frustrated on their horse, I ask them to pause what they’re doing and define success for themselves in this moment. The mental tension of striving for a goal that is at the moment out of reach, causes muscles to shorten and bodies to stiffen in ways that dramatically reduce performance. As soon as a more appropriate goal is defined, the rider can resume the calm focus that they need to ride well, enjoy themselves, and relate well to their horse.

As with everything I teach, what I teach, I also need to learn. Sometimes over and over again.

While having dinner with a close friend a few weeks ago, I was struck to realize that my definition for success in my working life is several years out of reach. And moreover, that I have been hitching a level of satisfaction and happiness to that goal that, frankly, I’m not willing to wait that long for.

My goal was causing me to feel like a failure. And I’m all for big goals—I’m certainly not letting go of my big goals and dreams, but goals have to have an appropriate time frame attached to them. And mine was most definitely not.

So I’ve been taking some time with myself to redefine my goals and my definition of success for a day, a week, a month, and a year. I’ve been listening to that strong voice inside that says I’m not willing to use stressful striving to drive my motivation anymore. I’m choosing to be happy and satisfied with my life exactly as it is, which brings me deeper into appreciation, gratitude, joy and all the good feels.

I am blessed. I live in a beautiful home with my furry family who bring me deep and abiding joy. I live in a neighborhood that I love, just down the street from lifelong friends. My neighbors all wave and stop to talk as they walk by with their dogs, their kids in strollers, or on horseback. There are buffalo across the street, donkeys around the corner and sometimes my neighbor two streets over takes her miniature horses out for a drive, the pair of them pulling carts. This is a charmed life I’m living.

I have a loving, supportive family and we are blessed with good health. I get to work for people and horses I love, in a way that is creative, juicy, playful and grounded in good science. I get to work with children, learning from them, supporting them and making a difference in their lives.

Success is right here, right now, in this rich and abundant life I’m living. The big goals will have their day, in one form or another, and until then, I get to walk this walk, enjoying each and every step along the way.  Aho.

How do you define success for yourself and how does your belief about success shape your life?  I’d love to hear.

Wishing you all abundant blessings,


Creating Space

In the meta-physical healing world, we often use the phrase “holding space.” In essence we are holding space for the individual, situation or set of circumstances to work itself out to the highest possible outcome. We are holding that the vast wisdom of the Universe and the powerful divine energy field expand and manifest in ways we don’t even imagine. We look for shifts and insights and movement to the out workings beyond the difficulty. This is not passive- but active. We might also ask for whatever the person needs at this time to be given to them. Perhaps it is strength or courage or healing, stamina or endurance. Perhaps we ask our angels and guides to team up with other Beings in alignment with the person or circumstance.

People often ask me to hold space for them. I gladly do so. I show up in ways that I can for them, but I rely heavily on the unseen energetic Beings and the energy forces of the Universe to do the heavy lifting.

I have had my own health issues in recent months. This required three spinal injections of steroids to reduce inflammation. I do not like to even think about a needle so close to my spine. Soon I will be having a cervical spine fusion. Fusion to me infers lack of mobility- which seems a negative connotation.

However, I giggled out loud after the first injection. They explained that they were trying to “create space” around the nerve that was being pinched by reducing the inflammation. I love this concept about creating space! Right away I thought about how the Universe is not stagnant- it is constantly moving and expanding. Are we not microcosms of the Universe? Can we create space within? The spinal fusion will actually “create space” so that the pressure on my nerves, spinal cord and the stenosis causing pooling of spinal fluid and a lack of it traveling to my brain will be corrected. Yes- I will experience some lack of mobility in my vertebrae. Right now I actually have too much movement and instability in those areas. The cushions and stability lost due to disc degeneration will be stabilized. Bone spurs have developed as an attempt to stabilize the disc degeneration, but the bony growths are poking my spinal cord. This will create space for me to have a better quality of life, instead of continuing to deteriorate.

A client recently was having somewhat of a meltdown. She asked me “where, where was her courage located in her body?” I paused a moment collecting my thoughts and was about to proceed to discuss energetically about where courage was located in the Chakra system. Before I could open my mouth she declared profoundly that she knew- her courage was located in all the in between spaces where she hadn’t been looking!

My pause created a space so they she could allow her own answer to rise up from within her. I created space and she created space. We were not holding onto anything. It went from passive to taking action. I had a shift in consciousness. So did my client. I now create space instead of holding space. It seems so much more expansive. I am not holding anything but creating and reflecting inner and outer space. It creates energetic movement, and allows what needs to happen. See if you can create a paradigm shift!

Note:  On August 22nd, I had cervical spinal fusion surgery.  While in recovery, I developed a complication.  A blood clot/hematoma formed behind the surgical repair.  I lost the nerve response in my legs.  Emergency surgery removed the clot and cleaned up the area.  I was later sent to a rehab hospital to re-learn how to walk.  I am still off balance and wobbly.  I also have swelling and nerve deficits through my left shoulder, arm and hand.  I am going to out patient physical therapy twice per week. I am “creating space” around healing and recovery.  I am told that I have been a pleasant patient and that I am motivated.  As per my previous post, I was willing to accept, adapt and release.  If you feel motivated too, please take a silent moment to create space around healing and recovery too.  Thank you!

What or Who?


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Posted by Ashara Morris, one of the Women Moving It Forward on this Blog.


Our society today takes great pride in, and raises up, those who do, do, do. If you’re not doing, you’re not producing, therefore if you’re just “being” you will be passed over or ignored or even denigrated.

I’ve noticed this when meeting people for the first time, and I’m guilty of it as well – we ask “What do you do?” We want to know about what this person does in our workaday world, not necessarily who they are. But which might be the more important question?

What do you do?


Who are you?

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Photo by Snapwire on

I am fascinated by people, by how they think, how they feel, the opinions they carry. They are a constant source of revelation to me, not only about them, but about myself. If I ask someone “what do you do?” they’re going to tell me about their job, and that’s fine, because certainly it’s part of who they are, and if they love their work, that will be a good indicator of who they might be. But the question “Who are you?” is much more interesting to me. And, I think, also scary for the person being asked.

We live with a lot of masks in place. Even the most authentic person has to sometimes remove the “I’m being authentic” mask to be who they REALLY are. It’s an amazing dance. So we have to learn about people in kind of a sideways fashion – mostly by starting with “What do you do?”

I’m sure those of you reading this know what you do. But who are you? Are you sensitive? Are you afraid of the dark? (I always leave a light on when I’m home alone over night, even though we have four dogs to help me stay safe.) Do you think everyone is out to get you? Or maybe just a few people? Do we live in a friendly or unfriendly world? How do you relax? Do you like to read? Do you draw? Do you enjoy just sitting?

accessories beautiful beautiful girl fashion

Photo by Ary Shutter on

Favorite TV show? What did you think of school? Did you enjoy it? Or was it painful? And why? What was enjoyable or painful?

Those are just a few of the questions that go through my mind when I’m getting to know someone, and even when talking with old friends, because friendship doesn’t happen in one fell swoop – it is a matter of years, and layers, and the unveiling of some new aspect of a friend is like a gift wrapped in shiny paper and topped off with a beautiful bow – how amazing we all are!

If you want to know more about me, ask me – who are you? And I will tell you. Be prepared though, because I will ask the same of you. I don’t need to know about your job – who are YOU?


Ashara Morris is sensitive, intuitive, and laughs a lot. The glass is generally half full. She talks with animals, plants, rocks, her car quite a bit, and sometimes even her favorite green chair. You can find out more about what she DOES at and



To-Do List Nemesis

Summer is almost over. Another season gone by. My to-do list is still a mile long and growing! I had so many things I wanted to do and I don’t feel like I’ve accomplished much. I could stay in that place of failure, frustration and self loathing but I won’t. That doesn’t, won’t serve the higher good. What I can do is look at what happened this summer. When I do that I can see that much was accomplished, some good, some bad, some that did in fact derail me but needed to be done or were unplanned.

For instance, I started the summer out with a trip to Illinois for some required continued education. It needed to be done and now I won’t have that on my plate next year. Thumbs up! At the same time my daughter and her fiance moved in with me.  It was only supposed to be a few weeks but it turned out to be a few months. This was unplanned and definitely contributed to the delay and derailment of things on the to-do list! But… as a parent you help your kids out, right? It was for a good reason, better job, better opportunities and now their stuff is completely moved out of my barn and I can get back on task.  I had not realized how settled into the “empty nester” role I had become. LOL

I also had some truck issues. HUGE derailment there! Without a truck there were a lot of things that just couldn’t happen. Positive side? I bought a 1996 F250 to get us through while I fix my F350 so now the ranch has a second truck. We’ve talked about this needing to happen but I probably wouldn’t have done it if it hadn’t been out of necessity. Thanks Universe!

Another challenge this summer was my husband’s work. He entered what’s called “turn around” in mid July. What that means is a straight night shift, 4 p.m. to 4 a.m. and anywhere from 6 to 7 days on. With those hours and only 1 or 2 days off leaves him pretty exhausted. I want him to rest and do what he wants to do with his limited free time but that means I don’t have any help. Many of my projects I just can’t do alone.  That’s where another lesson came in. We have 1 daughter who lives here in town and comes out daily to do chores in exchange for horse board. I have had to delegate small tasks to her and trust they’ll get done. I also have had to learn to ask for her help.


Our weather here in Wyoming can shift drastically and our winds make outside work dang near unbearable and undo-able at times.  My plans for the day shift and change according to the weather. That makes it tough to plan when you have a helper. It means taking another look at the to-do list, re-framing it and dissecting it.  It also means prioritizing! The area around the barn and the lean-tos really needed some attention. And… it needed done before winter. It has been horribly windy but when you’re inside the air conditioned cab of a Kubota skidsteer that doesn’t really matter!! For whatever reason, I didn’t think of that earlier in the summer!! Duh!!! Since that BFO dawned on me I’ve been working on moving manure, leveling and filling low spots on those blustery days! I can only imagine what my mini dust storms might look like from space!

So while my list is still long, this summer I have learned to work more efficiently. I have learned to bend like a reed in the wind and go with flow. I’ve learned to let go and move on. Lessons that will serve me well in life! And I’ve successfully battled the to-do list nemesis!!


Stella and Me

Posted by BB Harding, member Women Move It Forward blog.

If you have been reading this blog for a while, you are already aware that I have been looking for a house for approximately 18 months.  I have seen many houses in person (around 70) and countless pictures from the real estate websites.  I have searched New Mexico in Las Vegas, Pecos, Santa Fe, Tijeras, Edgewood, Cedar Crest, Sandia Park, Moriarty, Placitas, Rio Rancho, Los Lunas, Belen, Nogal, Alto, Ruidoso, Tularosa, Alamogordo, and Las Cruces.  (I’m sure I forgot some city or town in that list).  Truthfully, there probably wasn’t much of anywhere that I drove through that I didn’t keep an eye out for something to grab me.

Sentinel Stella

I can say that my house hunting was an adventure, and most definitely a journey.  I started out with a list of items that I thought I wanted, and as I looked at possible locations, the parameters got fine-tuned.  There were some peak learning experiences – I discovered that each episode of looking at houses informed me about what it was that I really wanted.  Learning to allow that to be a learning and discovery experience was significant.  It gave me permission to explore until I found something that I REALLY liked rather than the pressure to “get ‘er done.”  I found I appreciated trees much more than the long view.  That if I had space for my own bedroom, an office and a guest bedroom, I could live with a 2 bedroom and 2 living areas as opposed to a 3 bedroom.  I really needed some space around me.  Places that met the criteria, where I felt like I was being smothered didn’t feel good.

I really discovered that it was ok to be who I was.  I worked with 7 agents throughout the state, and I made it ok to be “weird.”  Just because a house met the criteria didn’t mean that I was going to buy it.  Rule #1, it must feel good inside and outside.  There were several houses that felt good inside, not so good outside; or great outside, not so good inside.  I had many a thought about moving House A onto Property B for the perfect match.  The agents learned that I was really serious about Rule #1.  I know that they shook their heads when I told them things like “the energy is flat;” the house and I don’t gel;” “nice house, I really like it, and it doesn’t feel right.”

A part of me was beginning to despair over ever finding a new home.  Maybe I was too picky, maybe I wasn’t being realistic and should just go for most of what I wanted.  I felt the pressure of having to compromise, settle for less than I wanted; and making a decision to buy anything just to get it off my list of things to do, and move on.

Earlier this year, I drove into an area that was not all that far from where I live to check out a couple of listings that I had seen.  When I drove into the area, I said to myself, “oh, this place has the look and feel of what I am looking for.”  I of course then dismissed it because it didn’t fit the criteria of being near an airport, medical facilities and something like a Whole Foods / Sprouts.

My friend who had rented me her casita sold her house (really traded with some friends) and the new owners were gracious enough to allow me to continue renting the casita.  That was an incredible gift because it relieved the pressure that “I must go do something now.”  We had gone out to breakfast one morning with her housemate, and on the way home, I took them through the area.  Both of them exclaimed how incredible the energy of that area was.  It was near the 4th of July, so in my normal search for houses I added a query for that area.  Four houses came up to go look at.  I found a realtor, and made arrangements to go look at them right after the holiday.  “Stella” had grabbed my attention because she matched a “vision” that I had had towards the end of last year of a house on the edge of a cliff, acting as a sentinel for the area.  I have operated for several months with the underlying premise of there was a house looking for me as much as I was looking for it.  We just had to find each other.  She was also “out of budget.”  I checked out the 4 houses, and there was an event taking place at Stella where the current owners were having an estate sale.  (They are antiquers).  I was gobsmacked with the view, and went through the house.  Generally, a good feeling.

I had a conversation with the house.  I told the house that it would be really hard for me to get past the incredible view that it had, and really hear what it had to say.  Found out her name was Stella, and that yes, she would be happy if I were to become her new custodian.  I shared my reservations and her wisdom was to come back again when everyone was gone and see if I felt good there or not.  I did that, and yes, I felt good inside and outside.  Beside a lovely view, an awesome deck, she also has a bunch of Russian sage and it is beautiful.  I sat with Stella and the idea of putting in a purchase contract for a couple more days.  Everything still felt like a go, and I was beginning to develop a relationship with Stella that felt easy and comfortable.

View from Stellas deck

I took the leap of faith and put in the contract.  It was accepted with one counteroffer.  Since then, there has been a lot of fun.  There are several things that I have become aware of, some of them almost beyond words.  I am keenly aware that I have said YES to me at a deep level, in many little ways.  One of them is acknowledging that I have a space imperative.  For most of my lifetime, I have pushed it aside, and told myself not to be silly, it wasn’t a necessity to live.  I will now be surrounded by space.  I have made a conscious effort to make the purchase a collaboration between the consciousness of Stella and myself.  I am moving more and more into an aspect of my purpose which is to teach others that there is consciousness in all things.  What better way to live that, than to include Stella into the conversation about becoming her custodian and how she would like to be used.  (Her desire is to be a place for people to come and heal because it is energetically enticing to do so.  This would include people working with me on an intensive level for a week.  Now all we have to do is convince an insurance company to agree with that. 😊).   Last week I was at the house with my real estate agent, and told her that the name of the house was Stella.  She looked at me, and I said, “well, I talk to things.”  As we were leaving I gushed, “can’t you just feel the love that is here?”  Her response was that “she wouldn’t have put it that way, however, now that I asked her, yes, she could feel it.  It was very warm and inviting.”

As the closing date gets closer, I feel her energy working with me more and more.  I received an email from a friend that I have not seen in many years. She would like to come visit and hangout. I am not only very excited that she will do so, I was also very clear that was Stella at work.  I will learn to trust that, and to lean into that.  To honor that her energy will pull in the people that need to be here.  I expect a few friends will want to come by over the next year, and they will find it a respite for their soul.

One other thing that I would like to share about this journey so far.  Last Wednesday I had to drive to Roswell for an eye appointment.  There is a section of highway on Hwy 70 that I really like, and at this time of year, after the many rains, it is beautiful.  My heart was feeling incredibly expansive, and I had the thought that I had to fall in love with Stella in order to fall in love with NM.  Until now, I have frequently said “really Universe, NM???”  I didn’t get it.

I am eager to see where the next leg of my journey will take me.  How Stella and I will co-create a life together, and where will it take us.  Stay tuned.

Stellar Jay

stellar Jay

Written by Carroll a member of Women Move It Forward

Recently the universe answered my request for a business partnership of some sort. This request and prayer is one I have been breathing for about 8 months and for several months Ant Spirit Guide has been sending the message of teamwork. Don’t go pushing all alone.

The day we scheduled our first “business” meeting I was presented with a beautiful fluffy and brilliant blue Stellar Jay feather. I looked up the meaning and the message hit home!

Shamanic Journey (some excerpts)

Website Link

Jay’s gifts include understanding how to use power wisely, warning, courage, ability to check on future trouble spots, power of presence (being in the eternal now), fearlessness, resourcefulness, adaptability.

Jay’s show us how to use personal power correctly and effectively, reminding us to pay attention and to not allow ourselves to be put in a situation where power is misused against us. If this is your power animal, bear this in mind.

The bright blue crest atop the blue jays head, connects it to the sky, reminding you true power must be applied in a balanced and honorable fashion. Jays are tremendously resourceful, which may symbolize a need inside of you to learn adaptability for survival with less effort possible.

Jays symbolize huge talent, however, this talent must be developed and used correctly. If jay has flown into your life, this may be a signal that you are coming into a time where you can begin to help the inherent wisdom that lies within you (within us all!) to mature.


I have been receiving the message to take risks and step into my power and it looks like I have a spirit guide now…

Are you looking to step more fully into your power? If so, call on Blue Jay to help and guide you.

Listening to my Mind

Sometimes the best way to quiet my mind is to listen to it. When something happens that really tweaks my fear-brain and my emotions start to run wild, I know that my first order of business is not to follow my fear’s plan (her plans are always trouble) but to calm down. To calm down by quieting my mind. I take deep breaths, I feel my feet on the ground, and the tension starts to ease a bit. If I leave it at that, my mind will likely circle back to this same concern throughout my day and give me a gut shot just to make sure I haven’t forgotten that this thing is really a major, vital, serious concern.

My mind can be territorial, like a dog with a bone. “I have the answers!” she growls at me between gnashing her teeth on the bone. She’s chocolate brown, with lavender skin encircling her big yellow eyes. Her prominent brow furrows as she glares at me. “Listen UP! You are in TROUBLE!”

Her coat is sleek and shiny, her canines formidable and she seems so sure of herself that at first, I don’t even notice I’ve stopped breathing.

Eventually, I have to take a breath and this blessed need brings me back to myself. I wasn’t sure who I was for a moment there, but now I can feel that I am not solely my mind. She is simply a part of me that is very upset right now and wants very much to be my decision-maker. That bone she’s gnawing on is the object of her fear.

She growls threateningly and resumes listing off the reasons why her fear is justified. I feel myself being convinced by her, feel the discomfort of believing her as my gut twists in knots. Another breath.

I realize that I’m going to need to get that bone from her. I take a deep breath to gather my courage. The feeling of my lungs filling with air gives me the strength to be patient. I take another breath and I understand that I need to be gentle.

I lower myself to the floor, about six feet away from her and sit with my legs crossed. My ankles and my sit bones press into the hard wooden floor. She rolls her eyes warily at me. I look at her softly. She is me and yet I am here, sitting, while she is there, gnawing that bone.

I make no move to take the bone away from her. I begin to listen, in earnest, to her concerns. I continue to feel my hard bones pressing my flesh to the floor and I listen. I don’t argue. I don’t agree. I don’t disagree. I simply listen and know that I am part of a larger whole whose wisdom and grace brings unexpected solutions. She sighs and her brow softens.

As I continue to listen from my vantage of wholeness, I feel my center anchor more firmly in my body. I’m more aware of my physical self and the sensations of my entire body. The area around my heart feels expansive and warm, vibrating as my chest rises and falls with my easy breath.

She leaves her bone and comes to me, laying her head in my lap. I stroke her ears, delighted by the feel of her soft, smooth coat and the blinking of her eyes as she accepts my comfort. I see a walk in our future.

Unexpected Variables

Life in physical form is full of unexpected variables. Perhaps there is a silver lining in the clouds, or a gift inside major illness or life transition.  Perhaps crisis and chaos really are the pathways to potential, possibilities and opportunities.  Make lemonade out of lemons is the old adage.  The glass IS really half full, not half empty.  All is as it is supposed to be.  Let’s not oversimplify the process though!

A friend from out of state was visiting recently, and we went on a hike into Castlewood Canyon. My husband helped to guide us across large boulders and the river to my favorite place in the canyon where the water cascades and creates small waterfalls.  In preparation, I purchased a walking stick a couple of days before.  I have been experiencing balance issues.  My husband took a “fall for me” into the rocks and water to get me to the right spot.  He got scraped a little.  My friend and I did a blessing ceremony of “rebirth” for a mutual friend with serious physical ailments.  I released prayers and sacred herbs into the water.  The words that Spirit gave to me to use in the blessing that day for the ailing friend were Acceptance, Adapt and Release.  Out of a higher heart of compassion, I do what I can- but then I turn the rest over to Spirit to handle the unexpected variables.

For me it has been another year of constant shifting. I have been learning that things are not always as traumatic as they may seem.  If you can shift to the acceptance part, you may begin to see how to adapt to these unexpected variable situations.  This part is easier said than done.  Likely there is some internal struggle.  The release part which may include anger, loss and tears, can actually allow something else to come in. A shift in awareness may begin to fill that emptied space.  Perhaps it is a question of timing, prioritizing, soul searching, managing, clearing out what no longer serves you, checking back in with your values.  In my lowest moments, I have had to re-evaluate all that I hold dear.

As an example, Bailey the Master Healer energy worker horse survived displacement colic last November. It was painful to watch her struggle and go down.  Because she is basically a wild horse, never stalled, colic surgery was out of the question.  The Vet did all she could do, then we waited.  I also did all I knew how to do.  I went into shock feeling her distress.  Somewhere around 2:00 in the morning, I had to move into acceptance, turning the outcome over to spirit and thinking about what life might be like without Bailey.  I grieved.  I was cold to the bones in the barn, and went inside to warm myself.  An hour later I went back out to check on her.  She nickered at me and asked if I was going to feed her!  Well, no, I couldn’t.  She had passed enormous amounts of gas, and passed tiny amounts of very hard stool, but she was not out of the woods.  Those things helped her colon to return to its proper place.  She remained on sloppy senior equine for a week and lost weight.  She is still with us.  I had to “release” her before she actually turned the corner. Huh.

That was only the first part of the equation. I have had many horse health issues to deal with the past few months. Perhaps they have all been displaying what was coming for me.  They taught me lessons that would become valuable.  My husband and I are aging.  I have more health issues than he does.  However, aging changes are sneaky.  Your body changes and doesn’t always support you as it once did. These are unexpected variables.

I was having what I thought were shoulder issues. It was a shock when x-rays and an MRI showed that my cervical spine in my neck had deteriorated and was causing nerve damage.  (Like I was 82, not 62)! It is not exactly life threatening, but somewhat painful, uncomfortable and annoying.  There is weakness in my left arm and pain across the nerve in my shoulder.  Interrupted spinal fluid in my head causes pressure and dizziness.  I am physically off balance.  I am tired from only being able to sleep on my right side.  I have disc deterioration, bone spurs, calcification and a vertebrae lying on my spinal cord.  It could severe my spinal cord if I were rear ended, had a bad fall or came off a horse. I am a very private person.  I don’t like medical treatment or medications. I can reveal however that it really upset my apple cart.  I felt like I ran directly into the old age wall.

It has taken me months to practice acceptance, adapting and release. I have had to release many things and practice the guidance I have shared above.  I have seen a Shaman and other alternative spiritual treatments to get to the root of the issue.  I have an integrative Doctor, with the same cervical spine issues who carefully sent me to specialists.  I have had 3 spinal injections of steroids to reduce the inflammation, and create space for my damaged nerve.  I am seeing a conservative neurosurgeon later this month.

So much has been revealed to me during this process. On a spiritual level, it seems that my higher heart during this lifetime has been broken and manifested this brokenness on a physical level.  I carry such a high level of compassion/ coupled with guilt and the feeling of failure because I can’t always accomplish what is placed before me.  It pains me to witness the suffering of humanity.  My daughter calls it compassion fatigue.

You see we have a life purpose, but we also have a soul purpose. One of my spiritual healing friends placed me in a portal next to a gently flowing river, and her guides had me go back to before I manifested here to see where the misalignment occurred.  Her guides told her I had the innate ability to unwind that DNA (human and energetic imprint) and change it myself.  Sounds crazy, right?  We manifest into the physical to experience these unexpected variables.  So, in essence, I am now expanding, repairing my broken higher heart and traveling through higher consciousness in the upper eight through 12 and beyond energy centers (chakras), looking for the answers or remembering what I am to learn here as a higher healing Being, my souls journey.  I was aided to strip away a blockage created in my physical body or shell.  Accepting, adapting and releasing created shifts and awareness in my spiritual being.  Our spiritual journey is expansive- with no limitations. Phew.  What a powerful journey.